ridiculous crouton ups....

[benny hedges]

oh dear - what a plonker!
during a spirited run last night i noticed i could smell fuel strong and seemed to be only firing on one pot for the last mile or so...
limped home on a 500cc single thumper (sounded great lol) thinking i'd killed it bigtime..
decided to turn it over manual just to check all is ok and no internal metal lovemaking, guess what i found....

carb had fell off lol - i hadn't tightened the clip so only the back one was attached to the engine!
lucky i didn't set it on fire lol!!
all is well now, revving nice on both pots, popping wheelies like a good un again.
only problem now is i stuck my cam mount too close to the top yoke nut and i can't get the bloody thing off!

so come on, own up - i can't be the only person to make Richard mistakes...

for example - a long time ago (me and my brother kyle were hitch hiking along a long and dusty road....)
no, a mate had an old gsx and for some reason decided to fit a hooj rickman fairing to it - called it a suzyglide lol..
went for a good run out to pickmere and beyond, me 2up with bird on the back, coming back through frodsham at 90+ i slowed down for a right hander and he flew past me full bore, straight into some bushes (amazingly unhurt and no damage to the bike)
turns out he's forgot to fasten up a metal tie clip and it had fell onto the throttle linkage on the carbs, stopping the return cable working!!!
he shat himself

another one i did (i was like 11 or so...) i had a brainwave and thought i could raise primary compression on my rm by filling the crank case with oil.
it didn't work and instead snapped the gudgeon pin out of the piston when i tried to kick it over.
i wondered what that noise was!

mate had a ap50 with a whistling cylinder head - decided it would be a good idea to nip up the headbolts while it was hot.
as we sat having a spliff, as you do, we heard PING.... PING.... PING PING as it pulled the studs out the block
tip - never try towing a bike with a rope tied round one fork leg!

[MacV2]

Yeah too fast on a cold tyre... up over the Highside, gone & done me shinbone in, thats me season wombles then.

Vale.46

[benny hedges]

oh dear, bad news bud, hope it's not too bad???
what's the bike like???

[Jonesey]

Picture the scene, 1988, just passed test and purchased a SHITTER of a KH125.
Friday night outside the Cannon cinema Prince of wales road Norwich.
Premiere night for Die Hard.
Queues right round the block, I mean RAMMED.
I get on the bike, thinking I'm Kenny Roberts and floor it away, neglecting to notice the steering lock still on.
One onlooker as she was untangling me from the bike, said it was simply the most spectacular thing she had ever seen- "better than one of them stunt shows!!!"
I have never since seen a bike do 90 degrees as fast as that.
Chris the tw@.

[AMCQ46]

oh dear, bad news bud, hope it's not too bad???
what's the bike like???

Benny, i think he was making fun of rossi

[MacV2]

The bike she is ok, anyways got a spare in the pits, no doubt George will be nicking bits off it as we speak.

Vale.

[benny hedges]

bunch of twats lol making fun of an old man
ban you off my thread i will

[tony.mon]

Many years back I was instructing on the old RAC/ACU training scheme, along comes a kid on a FS1E.

He'd not only put two washers under the plug, on the theory that it left more than 50cc in the cylinder, so would be faster, but spent about half an hour Autosoling the front disc while we pissed ourselves watching him from the Portakabin.

[benny hedges]

He'd not only put two washers under the plug, on the theory that it left more than 50cc in the cylinder, so would be faster

lol!!!
a mate once fitted a long reach plug instead of the standard short one thinking it would make the bike fire earlier and make more power...
he succeeded in punching a nice hole in his piston!!!

same lad, when we all had peds, i was riding alongside him pretending to pedal as we went up a hil - he was doing like 15mph and his bike wouldn't go any faster, 'i could run faster' he shouted, and proceeded to hop off the bike to run alongside it...
needless to say as soon as his weight was removed, the bike shot off up the hill, dragging him behind
funny as crouton!!!

one time a gang of us, still on peds, all rode to southport and decided to go on the beach on bikes... but they wanted £3 each off us.
£3 was a tankfull in them days so we dicided to go over the sand dunes instead..
jeez, them things are hard work.. revving the nackers off at the side of the bike, trying to get up what was like a mountain of dry salt! took ages.
once we finally made it to the beach, my m8 'weldin rod' on his brand new ts50 ( ) was really worried sand might've got in his engine... i said i'd have a look at his bike for him, and while i was b/sing him about worst case scenarion, i turned off his petrol tap and told him to ride along the beach flat out to blast any sand out...
i said if it konks out after a bit it;s fkt and you'll have to push it home.
was funny as crouton, 15 of us pissin our sides laughing as this big lanky nob in the distance desparately trying to kick his bike over with the headlight on, we could just see a dim flash every time he kicked it!!!!
he pushed it back in tears saying 'it's fkt. me mam'll tw@ me!!!'

[tony.mon]

lol
And the award for best piss-take goes to....................Benny!

[benny hedges]

oh ffs, lol, same guy, welding rod, same bike, ts50 - he swore down his was faster than mine...
i had the road version, a suzi x1, with same engine etc,..
i said dont be silly, yours is a trials bike, mines a road bike.
he said well, mines faster than yours off road...

so i said ok, local golf course, sherdley park in st helens, theres a tarmac road alongside the golf course.
i'll take the tarmac, you take the grass. loser gets the beer in...

got another lad to flash his lights in true gp style and off we went, neck & neck, heads down, snarling at each other, looking sideways, when suddenly.... didn't see it coming at all, he hits a sand bunker lol, BANG, straight over the bars, forks bent to crouton lol landed flat on his butt!!!

sorry i know i shouldn't laugh but it was so fkin funny at the time, still makes me rofl now thinkin about it and how he wailed like crouton - his mam used to beat the sh1t out of him but he was like 6 4 and built like a brick shithouse lol
wheeled his bike home and straightened his forks out with a plank of wood and hammer - leaked like crouton until there was no oil left!!!

[keepy]

LMFAO, 'Welding Rod' everyone needs a mate like that!!

I once decided to check if my disc brakes had been cut in to with my pads by giving them a quick feel with my fingers.... problem was I'd just got back from a 45 minute runout over the Cat&Fiddle road....

put is this way, I didnt play my guitar that weekend.

[MacKrell17]

CBR600 with ridiculously loud sudco exhaust outside McDs. got the revs on to make loads of noise, everyone watching expecting me to burn out from the parking space, let the clutch go landed in a flower bed. Forgot to take the disc lock of the wheel. Bike on top of me with my leg trapped. Had to ask a passing skateborder to (14yr old street scrote) to help me shift the bike off my leg. Jumped on again. Set off slowly .... nearly piled it into the car in front at the exit... checked out the brakes to notice fluid all over the joint.
Not my finest moment.....

[benny hedges]

mate had a vespa 125 (i think, mightve been a 50 lol)
he's spent months on it, respraying it, fitting mirrors all over it like they do
was having a bit of trouble setting the points so asked me if i'd do it for him...
didn't have feelers so used the trusty 12thou thick regal packet cardboard method, away we go....

he kicked it up with the gay long kickstart effort, fired up great...
gave it a fistfull, whacked it in gear with the equally gay twist thing, let out the clutch.....

and it shot off backwards into the workbench, smashed the back end in to crouton and he went flying over the seat butt over tit!
it had fired up bacwards lol!!!
i didnt know they could do that, but obviously they can.

mentioned this to a few peeps and apparently it's quite common!!!
funny as fook looking back but at the time he was after doing me in lol!

[RAINMAKER]

Not really bike related except that i was out on the bike in the north yorkshire moors when the un stoppable urge for a dump came on. So off I went into the gorse bushes, down came the jeans and undies as I squatted down..........ah the relief as I squeezed a biggy out.........just then from bloody nowhere came this woman walking a dog..............not wanting to look like aflasher I swiftly whipped up the undies and jeans in one rapid fluid movement............stood there trying to look innocent...........unfortunetly the turd had dropped into my undies. ..............well you can probably guess the rest..............