I could be over to pick you up around 10.30 PM on Sat evening- see if you can get a jacket on.....
Only trouble is if your sticky-out arms get caught on lampposts.....
I'll be gentle- honest- gentle like a lamb, rolling on the throttle nice and calm as if it was a condom rolling on to a banana in Sex Ed lessons, braking like there was a Faberge egg under the lever- am I making it sound attractive?
Mind you, you'd get bloody cold hands, 'cause you won't be able to get gloves on with your hands swollen like that.
Otherwise I could just send you a photograph of the shirt you were otherwise able to buy for £5, with a £7.50 price tag on.
Anyway, any time you fancy sitting on your bike you can, entry to my garden is only £1.00 for oaps on Wednesdays.
Lastly, I haven't nicked many bits off it, honest......

It's not falling off, it's an upgrade opportunity.