know thats funnylegendlives wrote:My wife is in very bad shape and is currently attached to a machine that keeps her alive.
The refrigerator.
Comedy Gold that
At the hospital
Re: At the hospital
Comedy Gold that
told you not to but oh no you knew better
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legendlives
- Posts: 165
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- Location: Auckland, NZ
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Re: At the hospital
I was sitting in the hospital canteen, when the doctor came over, looking all weepy eyed.
"What's up, doc?" I asked, before tucking into my sandwich.
"I'm afraid your wife didn't make it," he said.
"I can tell," I replied. "This sandwich is gorgeous."
"What's up, doc?" I asked, before tucking into my sandwich.
"I'm afraid your wife didn't make it," he said.
"I can tell," I replied. "This sandwich is gorgeous."
I like my bikes like my women - Loud with two big cylinders 
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lloydie
- Posts: 20921
- Joined: Mon Jan 17, 2011 11:16 pm
- Location: In the garage somewhere in Coventry
Re: At the hospital
Ha ha ha [THUMBS UP SIGN]
Re: At the hospital
Ha ! how dare you !!!AMCQ46 wrote:you are the joke legend
Mac and tony .......... you need to up your game
"Our sex life is lot like Snapchat," said Al's wife.
"What, it captures all the best moments?" He smiled.
"No, it lasts 8 seconds," she replied.
Making up since 2007, sometimes it's true...Honest...
Re: At the hospital
legendlives wrote:Of course I won't laugh," said the Nurse to the patient, "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."
"Okay then," said Bob, and he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the smallest adult male organ the Nurse had ever seen in her life.. In length and width it was almost identical to a AAA battery.
Unable to control herself, the Nurse tried to stop a giggle, but it just came out. And then she started laughing at the fact that she was laughing.
Feeling very badly that she had laughed at the man's private part, she composed herself as well as she could. "I am so sorry," she said, "I don't know what came over me. On my honour as a Nurse and a lady, I promise that it won't happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem?"
"It's swollen," Bob replied.
She ran out of the room
Chris.
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legendlives
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Re: At the hospital
I'm seriously contemplating re marrying my ex wife again.
Do you think she would suspect I'm only after my money??
Do you think she would suspect I'm only after my money??
I like my bikes like my women - Loud with two big cylinders
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legendlives
- Posts: 165
- Joined: Sun Jul 05, 2015 9:43 am
- Location: Auckland, NZ
- Contact:
Re: At the hospital
When I first noticed that my chipolata was growing larger and staying erect longer I was delighted, as was my wife.
But... after several weeks, my chipolata had grown fifty centimeters.
I became quite concerned. I was having problems dressing and even walking.
So the wife and I went to the hospital to see a prominent urologist.
After an initial examination the doctor explained to us that, though rare, my condition (Donkey Doodle) could be fixed through corrective surgery.
"How long will he be on crutches?" my wife asked anxiously.
"Crutches? Why would he need crutches?" responded the surprised doctor.
"Well," Said the wife coldly, "you're gonna lengthen his legs, aren't you?
But... after several weeks, my chipolata had grown fifty centimeters.
I became quite concerned. I was having problems dressing and even walking.
So the wife and I went to the hospital to see a prominent urologist.
After an initial examination the doctor explained to us that, though rare, my condition (Donkey Doodle) could be fixed through corrective surgery.
"How long will he be on crutches?" my wife asked anxiously.
"Crutches? Why would he need crutches?" responded the surprised doctor.
"Well," Said the wife coldly, "you're gonna lengthen his legs, aren't you?
I like my bikes like my women - Loud with two big cylinders
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legendlives
- Posts: 165
- Joined: Sun Jul 05, 2015 9:43 am
- Location: Auckland, NZ
- Contact:
Re: At the hospital
After his medical exam the doctor said to the elderly man: "You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?" "In fact, I do," said the old man.
"After I have sex I am usually cold and chilly, and then, after I have sex with her the second time, I am usually hot and sweaty."
After examining his elderly wife, the doctor said: "Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?" The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns.
The doctor then said to her: "Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually cold and chilly after having sex with you the first time, and then hot and sweaty after the second time. Do you know why?"
"Oh that crazy old fool," she replied. "That's because the first time is usually in January and the second time is in August."
"After I have sex I am usually cold and chilly, and then, after I have sex with her the second time, I am usually hot and sweaty."
After examining his elderly wife, the doctor said: "Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?" The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns.
The doctor then said to her: "Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually cold and chilly after having sex with you the first time, and then hot and sweaty after the second time. Do you know why?"
"Oh that crazy old fool," she replied. "That's because the first time is usually in January and the second time is in August."
I like my bikes like my women - Loud with two big cylinders
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legendlives
- Posts: 165
- Joined: Sun Jul 05, 2015 9:43 am
- Location: Auckland, NZ
- Contact:
Re: At the hospital
Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.
One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph
suddenly jumped into the deep end.
He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
Edna promptly jumped in to save him.
She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.
When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she
immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she
now considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good
news and bad news.
The good news is you're being discharged, since
you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in
and saving the life of the person you love.
I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.
The bad news is, Ralph hanged himself in the bathroom
with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him.
I am so sorry, but he's dead.'
Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry...
How soon can I go home?'
One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph
suddenly jumped into the deep end.
He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
Edna promptly jumped in to save him.
She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.
When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she
immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she
now considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good
news and bad news.
The good news is you're being discharged, since
you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in
and saving the life of the person you love.
I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.
The bad news is, Ralph hanged himself in the bathroom
with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him.
I am so sorry, but he's dead.'
Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry...
How soon can I go home?'
I like my bikes like my women - Loud with two big cylinders