How do these people survive?
ONE Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken ! Mc Nuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply. "So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?" "That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six Mc Nuggets.
TWO I was ! checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those "dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "divider," looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me, "Do you know how much this is?" I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today." She said "OK," and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.
THREE A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy."
FOUR I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door un locker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."
FIVE Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.
SIX I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister." I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the "cruise control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich.
SEVEN My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problem s with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"
EIGHT Police in Radnor, Pa., interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.
NINE A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid was eating ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and should be fine, the mother says, I just gave him some ant killer..... Dispatcher: Rush him in to emergency!
"Life is tough. It's tougher if you're stupid."
How do these people survive?
How do these people survive?
"Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut."
My favourite one was the one I witnessed a little while back.
Zebra crossing... blind guy, complete with dark glasses, white stick, labrador - the whole caboodle waiting to cross.
Guy drives up, slows down and flashes his lights at him...
Zebra crossing... blind guy, complete with dark glasses, white stick, labrador - the whole caboodle waiting to cross.
Guy drives up, slows down and flashes his lights at him...
Voted most likely to be found dead in park bushes following an act of autoerotic asphyxiation.
Re: How do these people survive?
I'm sorry to say I've experienced this one. Car full of drunk passengers with the munchies pull up at drive through window.iggy1966 wrote:ONE Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken ! Mc Nuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply. "So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?" "That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six Mc Nuggets.
Us "40 chicken mc nuggets please".
Girl "sorry, we only do 10, 15 or 20"
Us "can we have 2 boxes of 20 please?"
Girl "certainly sir"
she said something after that but got a bit drowned out by the roars of laughter coming out the car
Rich.
Come to think of it, reminds me of a time I went to the cinema. Chap asks to see my ticket, Q23 or something, He points in the general direction and says "It's just over there, just past... just past..."
At which point I had to stop his embarrasment; "It's just past P mate!"
Or my collegue at the Little Chef last week, "Can I have scrambled eggs?"
"No, sorry we haven't got any, you can have boiled or fried"!
Or my work mate,Beaker, when Leo Sayer was making the news the other month;
"Lee ho Sayer? That's a chinese restaurant up the road from me"!
There'll be more...
At which point I had to stop his embarrasment; "It's just past P mate!"
Or my collegue at the Little Chef last week, "Can I have scrambled eggs?"
"No, sorry we haven't got any, you can have boiled or fried"!
Or my work mate,Beaker, when Leo Sayer was making the news the other month;
"Lee ho Sayer? That's a chinese restaurant up the road from me"!
There'll be more...
