England jokes

[iggy1966]

Subject: England Jokes


Q: Why aren't the England football team allowed to own a dog?

A: Because they can't hold on to a lead.



Q: What's the difference between the England team and a tea-bag?

A: The tea-bag stays in the cup longer.



Oxo were going to bring out a Euro 2004 Commemorative cube painted red,

white and blue in honour of the England squad. But it was a laughing

stock and crumbled in the box.



Q: Why do English make better lovers than Portuguese/Germans?

A: Because English are the only one's who can stay on top for 90 Minutes

and still come second!



Q: What is common between a 3 pin plug and the England football team?

A: They are both f****** useless in Europe!



Q: What's the difference between O J Simpson and England?

A: OJ Simpson had a more credible defence



Rumours that David Beckham was seen successfully seducing a young woman

in a Spanish nightclub with a one-liner have been completely refuted by

the English FA. Adam Crozier, chief publicity officer stated: "I find it

totally preposterous to suggest that one of our players could make a

successful pass to or at anyone."



Q. What's the difference between the English and a jet engine?

A. A jet engine eventually stops whining.



Q. You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and Jimmy

Hill. You have a gun with two bullets. What do you do?

A. Shoot Jimmy Hill - twice.



Q. What's the difference between a dead dog on the road and a dead

English football fan on the road?

A. There are skid marks in front of the dog.



Q. What do English football fans and sperm have in common?

A. One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.



Q. If you see an English football fan on a bicycle, why should you never

swerve to hit him?

A. It could be your bicycle.



Four surgeons are taking a coffee break.

The first one says, "Accountants are the best to operate on because when

you open them up everything inside them is numbered."

The second surgeon says, "Nah, librarians are the best; everything

inside them is in alphabetical order."

Third surgeon says, "Try electricians. Everything inside them is

colour-coded."

The fourth one says, "I prefer English football fans.

They're heartless, spineless, gutless and their heads and arses are

interchangeable."





Did you hear about the UK politician who was found dead in an English

football jersey?

The police had to dress him up in women's underwear in order to save his

family from the embarrassment.





Did you hear that the UK Post Office has had to recall their latest stamps

with pictures of English football players on them. People couldn't figure
out

which side to spit on.



Q. What do you have when 100 English football fans are buried up to

their necks in sand?

A. Not enough sand.

[MJONESY]

I'm English and laughed at them, its a joke, unfortunately it seems to be ok to have jokes with white people as the butt of the joke but not for any other colour person to be, that is what is wrong imo

[AMCQ46]

isn't it a kind of racism that we target and make fun of any country and their peoples specifically, like that kind of posting england jokes , american jokes, mexican jokes etc. ? morally should we do it or not? what do you think

Strange 1st post ??? did you sign up only to complain about this joke?


I think if you are making fun of your own nation it's ok...it's not racist, it's just a joke

[MacV2]

Postby iggy1966 » Fri Jun 18, 2004 8:00 am

It is a strange 1st post but maybe it's because it's taken him 7 years to read the joke in the first place!

Strange thing is,it maybe a 7 year old joke but it's still true & it's still funny.

[geodude]

I'm English and laughed at them, its a joke, unfortunately it seems to be ok to have jokes with white people as the butt of the joke but not for any other colour person to be, that is what is wrong imo

You don't sound English

[MJONESY]

I am english lol I am just a victim of circumstance and was moved down here when i was 6 months old,

[tinysmall]

I'm not racist at all. I don't care how fast people run...

Never mind. I'll get me coat.


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