Modern medicine

[iggy1966]

> > > One day, Pete complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts,
> > > I think I'll go and see my Doctor!"
> > > His friend immediately replied, "Don't do that, there's a new
> > > computer at Boots (the Chemist) that can diagnose anything
> > > quicker and cheaper than your doctor. All you do is put in a
> > > sample of your wee and the computer will diagnose your
> > > problem and tell you what to do."
> > >
> > > Pete, figuring that he had nothing to lose, filled a jar with urine,
> > > went to Boots where he found the computer and deposited his
> > > sample and the computer started making a few noises and some
> > > lights started to flash.
> > > After a brief pause, out popped a small piece of paper which read:
> > >
> > > YOU HAVE TENNIS ELBOW, SOAK YOUR ARM IN
> > > WATER THREE TIMES A DAY FOR AN HOUR.
> > > AVOID HEAVY WORK. YOUR ELBOW WILL GET
> > > BETTER IN TWO WEEKS.
> > >
> > > That evening while thinking about how amazing this new technology
> > > was and how it could change the world of medicine forever, he
> > > began to wonder if the computer could be fooled. He decided to try.
> > > He mixed together some tap water, engine oil from his car, a stool
> > > sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter,
> > > and, at the last minute, masturbated into the concoction.
> > >
> > > He went back to Boots, deposited the sample and paid his money.
> > > After the noises and lights, out popped a piece of paper which read:
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > YOUR TAP WATER IS HARD, GET A SOFTENER.
> > > > THE VALVES ON YOUR ENGINE ARE F*CKED,GET IT TO
> > > > A GARAGE.
> > > > YOUR DOG HAS WORMS, GET HIM TO A VET.
> > > > YOUR DAUGHTER IS HOOKED ON COCAINE, GET HER
> > > > TO REHAB.
> > > > YOUR WIFE IS PREGNANT WITH TWINS, THEY ARE NOT
> > > > YOURS, GET A LAWYER.
> > > > AND IF YOU DON'T STOP PLAYING WITH YOURSELF,
> > > > YOUR ELBOW WILL NEVER GET BETTER.