Darwin awards 2005 (4)

[iggy1966]

(17 April 2005, Indiana) Late one night, 26-year-old Joseph was blazing down the road in the Chain O'Lakes district of Syracuse on his Yamaha moped. When he saw flashing lights in his rear-view mirror, well... with the wind whistling through his ears, he must have concluded that he could outrun a mere police cruiser. This hard-boiled candidate for the Heck's Angels revved his engine and roared off. The speedometer needle flashed past 10 mph...20...30...and within less than a minute, it was hitting the red zone at a blinding 40 mph.
But no matter how fast Joseph went, he was unable to shake the pursuing police officer from his tail. If only he had a spare JATO strapped to his machine! The two-stroke engine was buzzing like a hummingbird from the strain of the chase.
Was he thinking, "You'll never get me alive, copper!" as he sped through the intersection with County Road 800E? The answer will never be known. Joseph lost control of his would-be road rocket, crashed into a tree, and died instantly of massive head injuries.
(28 April 2005, Moscow, Russia) A construction worker drilling the foundation of a parking garage project on Starobitsevskaya Street noticed something shiny stuck to the swiftly rotating auger. He took a closer look but still couldn't identify the shiny object, so he reached down to grab it. Unfortunately, his jacket caught on the auger, winding his hand, his arm, and then his whole body into the apparatus. By the time his fellow workers could shut down the rig, "only the man's legs below the knees remained intact," according to the daily newspaper.

(07 February 2005, Malaysia) Fireworks are a longstanding lunar New Year's tradition among Malaysia's large Chinese minority and continue to be widely used to celebrate, despite a ban on their sale and use.
Wan, a 29-year-old excavator operator, spent the evening watching people set off fireworks outside a suburban Kuala Lumpur nightclub. These were no mere firecrackers. They were rockets that shot as high as a ten-story building before exploding.
His curiosity piqued, Wan bent over one of the launching tubes for a closer look, wondering how these powerful rockets worked. He was peering down the tube when it fired, sending him flying ten meters. He died instantly from severe head injuries, according to a senior police official.


(27 July 2005, California) Robert, 35, was eager to hang out with the nudists at the Palm Springs campground in a part of Death Valley where temperatures reached 136 degrees. The track was rough but passable until he was lured into the Saline Mud Flats by its dry, crackled surface, radiating heat in the baking sun. Within a few feet, the wheels of his VW microbus sunk deep into the muck that lay hidden beneath the deceptively dry crust.
Robert was miles from nowhere, surrounded by the bleached skulls of animals that had become trapped in the mire. But he had plenty of water, so he waited for help to find him on the remote dirt track. After six days, he abandoned the microbus and began walking to a less deserted track where someone was more likely to pass by.
Luck was with him. As he was shaking the last drop of water from his last bottle, help arrived in the form of intrepid 14-year-old British lads from the League of Venturers, who were training in search-and-rescue techniques. "He was crying and completely hysterical. I don't think he'd expected to last the day," said the unit leader. They gave him a lift to the nearest ranger station, 80 miles away, where he kissed the ground in gratitude.
Although Robert had cheated death once, that didn't stop him from tempting fate again.
In nearby Bishop, he found someone to tow the microbus out of the mudflats. Alas, it had two flat tires and other mechanical problems, so he returned to Bishop for automotive supplies. He snagged another ride into Death Valley, this time with a couple who took an unfamiliar route from the north, and dropped him off at a washout in the road about 15 miles from the Palm Springs campground.
His plan was to locate the campground, and once there, enlist help fixing his vehicle. He stashed his supplies and began walking. His body was found three days later, without a map, a GPS, or even water. Authorities estimated that he had walked along the road for 10 miles before heading into the open desert, seeking water.


(16 January 2005, Florida) Two North Fort Myers residents, 23-year-old Molly and her husband, had rented a room in a local motel for some unspecified activity, perhaps involving perpetuation of the species. As Molly entered the second-floor room, she went straight for the lanai, which overlooked a concrete patio. Most guests would have seen the railing on the edge of the lanai as a safety feature, but for Molly it brought to mind fond memories of her youthful gymnastic abilities.
Molly called out to Todd, "Watch to see what I can still do." These would be her last words. She did a flip onto the railing for a handstand, just the way she used to do, then toppled over the other side, slamming into the patio 15 feet below. She was pronounced dead at the hospital.