Rabbit Joke

[RichardGardner]

A rabbit walks into a pub and says to the barman "Can I have a pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie"
The barman is amazed but gives the rabbit a pint of beer and a ham and cheese toastie.
The rabbit drinks the beer and eats the toastie, he then leaves.
The following night the rabbit returns and again asks for a Pint of Beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie.
The barman, now intrigued by the rabbit and the extra drinkers in the pub (because word gets round) gives the rabbit the pint and the toastie. The rabbit consumes them and leaves.
The next night, the pub is packed, in walks the rabbit and says "A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman"
The crowd is hushed as the barman gives the rabbit his pint and toastie and then burst into applause as the rabbit wolfs them down.
The next night there is standing room only in the pub, coaches have been laid on for the crowds of patrons attending, the barman is making more money in one week than he did all last year.
In walks the rabbit and says, "A Pint of Beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman", smiling and accepting the tributes of the masses.
The barman says, "I'm sorry rabbit, old mate, old mucker but we are right out of them Ham and Cheese Toasties"
The rabbit looks aghast, the crowd has quietened to almost a whisper, when the barman clears his throat nervously and says, "We do have a very nice Cheese and Onion Toastie"
The rabbit looks him in the eye and says, "Are you sure I will like it"? The masses bated breath is ear shatteringly silent.
The barman, with a roguish smile says, "Do you think that I would let down one of my best friends, I know you'll love it"
"Ok" says the rabbit," I'll have a Pint of Beer and a Cheese and Onion Toastie"
The pub erupts with glee as the rabbit quaffs the beer and guzzles the toastie, he then waves to the crowd and leaves.
NEVER TO RETURN!!!!!!
One year later in the now impoverished public house, the barman (who has only served 4 drinks tonight, 3 of which were his) calls time.
When he is cleaning down the now empty bar, he sees a small white form, floating above the bar. The barman says, "Who are you" to which he answered,"I am the ghost of the rabbit that used to frequent your public house"
The barman says,"I remember you, you made me famous, you would come in every night and have a Pint of Beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, masses came to see you and this place was famous"
The rabbit says, "Yes I know"
The barman said, "I remember, on your last night we didn't have any Ham and Cheese Toasties, you had a Cheese and Onion one instead"
The rabbit said "Yes, you promised me that I would love it"
The barman said "You never came back, after that fateful night, what happened"
"I DIED", said the Rabbit. "Blimey " said the barman,"what from".
After a short pause. or possibly a long pause
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The rabbit said... "Mixing me toasties

[cupasoop]

Jesus Christ........................come back iggy

[RichardGardner]

I knew it was a stinker!

What about this one?

Two farmers are drinking in their pub one night. One is complaining about the state of the cockerel on his farm. “I’ve got fifty bloody chickens but my pathetic cockerel will never be able to fertilise every hen in my hutch” he announces, unhappily.”Well,” says the next farmer, “I’ve a prize cockerel who will easily shag every one of your chickens in the time it takes to drink a pint.” The first farmer agrees to the fee of £50 and the next day the prize cockerel is popped through the door of the chicken hutch. When the owner and the farmer return from the pub to the hutch, all that can be seen inside is a cloud of feathers. Closer inspection reveals every chicken laid out in a state of post-coital bliss with the cockerel in the middle of them all, pacing up and down shouting, “Come on, who’s next? I’m ready for more.” The owner takes his payment from the bewildered farmer and leaves with the cockerel.Before long this cockerel becomes something of a local legend and another farmer calls up its owner. “I’ve got a coop of 500 chickens in my farm. I bet you £200 your supposedly virile cockerel can’t see off every one of them” he says.”No problem, pal” replies the proud owner. “I’ll be over in the morning.”
The next day the cockerel is left to do his stuff and two hours later he is again found pacing keenly around a hutch of shagged-out birds looking for his next conquest. The £200 is handed over.
The cockeral’s fame goes international as a result of this and other yet more impressive displays of sexual prowess. One day the owner receives a phone call from an Australian farmer with a terrifying wager.”I bet you £4000 your cockerel can’t shag every one of my chickens mate” says the caller. With a gulp, the owner accepts the bet and, cockerel in arm, takes the long flight over to Australia. After days of travelling he arrives at the most enormous farm he has ever seen. There are fences that stretch over the horizon and, as far as the eye can see, there are chickens clucking away. Wondering quite what he has let himself in for the owner places his cockerel among the chickens and leaves for the nearest watering hole with the Australian farmer.
After a couple of days the two farmers roll back to the farm to check on progress. There is an eerie silence that greets them. For as far as the eye can see there are chickens laid out on their backs. It is like a battlefield. “Where’s my cockerel?!” cries the frantic owner. They search on for miles for bodies until eventually they find a huge pile of unconscious birds. The owner piles in, throwing the chickens aside until he finds the cockerel at the bottom staring upwards. There is not a noise from any of the surrounding chickens and, as the sun beats down on the small group, a couple of vultures have already appeared, circling overhead. “Oh my God!” cries the owner as he stares down at the limp body of his pet. “What have I done? I’ve sent you to your death? My prize cockerel and loyal friend!”After an agonising silence the cockerel slowly lifts a feathery finger. “Ssshh...” the bird whispers as he points to the vultures above, “Pussy!”

[tony.wilde1]

classics!!!

[Badger]

1st one, excellent lol

2nd one, SHITE.

[RichardGardner]

Ah well, you can't please all of the people all of the time!!

[sirch345]