Are you gay?

[VTRgirl]

A self examination for men

1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.

2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but gay -- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog... "Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!" Now think about how you call a cat..."Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.

3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on bar-B-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and you are in training and undeniably a fag.

4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his bathroom; he goes wherever he pleases.

5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee. A straight man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Soy Latte". If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there, too.

6. If you know more than six names of non standard colors or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and pie, you might as well be handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a "fressier" is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are faggadocious.

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut off the jerk. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer.

8. If you do not send this off to all the males on your email list because you are afraid of hurting their feelings then you are definitely on the verge on being a fudgepacker.

[Pete.L]

2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo.

Oh Oh!
...but what if he has a really bad temper? If he's hungry he'll take a piece out of the back of your leg to let you know. If he's bored he'll bite your ankle as you walk through a doorway and if you are daft enough to try and stroke him you'll draw back a stump. Oh and you've also got to be careful if you make full eye contact with him (which is really hard cause you need to keep an eye on him so you know which way the next attack is coming from)

Pete.l

[cupasoop]

Does your cat have orange and black stripes Pete?

2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but gay -- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog... "Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!" Now think about how you call a cat..."Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.

I've got 2 cats and a big dog. Does the big dog cancel the cats out and mean I'm not a shirt lifter?

[Pete.L]

Cuppa said

Does your cat have orange and black stripes Pete?

Ha! You'd think so the way I'm telling it. He's got black and green stripes (Tabby) Maybe he just thinks he's a tiger or has illusions of grandeur and is trying to live out his fantasies. Who knows?
All I do know is the little bugger is psycho and must have a death wish (If I could catch him) (or maybe he knows I can't )

Pete.l

[Zer0Zer0]

Sooooooo.... what about gays..i mean guys...with poodles...lassauasbos [yeah whatever] ..yorkies.....peekinese... schnauzers.... corgis....or any other kinda yappin Rat, masquerading as a Dog....they gotta be squeaky-bums......Real dogs start with Jack Russels...Nasty little feckers them, I knew one called Nipper that could Rag a rabbit like a rotty shaking a baby.....Get Some...Nipper,,shake it.. shake it properly...Good Dog.....