VTR1000.ORG

This morning at precisely 8:31, I got a text from a girlfriend inviting me to join the Ulysses for a ride leaving at 9am. It woke me up.

I finished work over 150km away (Brisbane's North Side) at 11pm last night & must've made it to bed at around 2am. Having my licence in the palms of a loving magistrate on 17th Jan, I was prompted to "ride as much as possible", so dragged myself out of bed & donned the boots (still dripping from the drenching I got last night). Oh, for those who are imagining otherwise, I also donned a few other things. I shoved a pill down the cat's neck, whacked some food in his bowl & zoomed off to check the plugged rear tyre's pressure before meeting "the gang".

Pulled up at the meeting point with seconds to spare. Bunch of old men with grey hair & a spattering of cruisers. This must be the place... There was a distinct smell of BO in the air, but I guess that could've been because we were in the Macca's car-park... Just waiting for Arthur & Thelma to get back from the toilet, then we're off... Damn. Could've stayed in bed another 20 minutes. Kinda weird listening to stops being organised according to bladders instead of VTR tank size. I heard the word "hospital" quite a few times & thought maybe we were going to visit someone... or two... or three.

But no! 9:30 & we're off... Lead & last riders wearing hi-viz flouro vests... Straight along the highway... for about 45 minutes. Maybe hip replacements click out if you lean your bike or something. Is this an important fact I should've been warning my patients about? Must look that up. Either way, we rode in a straight line for 3/4 hour & then stopped next to a pub. Hmmm... nice cold drink & maybe a game of pool? Nup. After everyone had come back from the toilet, out came the thermoses (thermi? thermes?) & the pre-cut sandwiches (not to mention the indigestion meds) while we discussed Martha's urinary tract infection & Albert's prostate. I looked longingly across at the pub with all its promises, while we sat in the park on picnic blankets, lovingly crocheted around the edges & looked at photos of Harold's 368 great-grandchildren.

Bartie's knee suddenly seized up, indicating rain, so the happy banter was quickly replaced with a frenzied panic as for the next half hour, the blankets were neatly folded & left-over sandwiches wrapped & stored in grease-proof paper before the long, straight ride home. It was easy to tell we were running from that cloud that had appeared way off on the horizon, as we reached mad speeds of up to 105kpm... sorry, 62mph.

Too much excitement for me. I had to go back to bed as soon as I got home.

Here's a shot of Cyril's Ulyssian bling, just to help you feel like you were there. You can tell a man's wife cares when she sends him off with his lunch-box matching his bike. And don't be confused by that black satchel. It's not a laptop or anything. I think it's a heart-monitor, or spare colostomy bags or something. He told me he had to get a "hockey" strap to tie everything on.


Based on a true story.
All names and details have been changed to protect the guilty.

Nicely written VTRgirl

Just think if you'd said no and stayed in bed, what you would have missed Also we wouldn't have got to hear about it

Chris.

Well written, I can almost smell the stale piss from here.

Sounds like one of our meet up's here !!!!!!!

The walking stick on his rear rack gives it all away ! For some reason im finding that very funny indeed

Sounds like an adrenaline filled day! I assume the riders Knew you had a medical background so invited you along as a first responder, just in case someones prostrate imploded !

Timbo wrote:Hey!! more power to them, still riding at that age and when they can hardly walk.

Wouldnt ride behind them though, the smell of piss, tuna and lavender violet would be sufficating.

Whoooa there Tuna and lavender just too much for the imagination.

Sounds a bit like the bike club I USED to be in once upon a time, only they always stopped at Tescos instead of nice country pubs!

Beamish wrote:I assume the riders knew you had a medical background so invited you along as a first responder, just in case someones prostrate imploded !

LOL. You may have a point there, Beamish

Stratman wrote:Sounds a bit like the bike club I USED to be in once upon a time, only they always stopped at Tescos instead of nice country pubs!

Used to be, Stratman??? You even too old for that now?

Used to be, Stratman??? You even too old for that now?

Harumph. If you were closer I'd show you what I'm too old for. Or do I mean, I'd show you what I'm not too old for. Or something, but as you aren't you'll never know

No, I USED to be in that club, but then we started ANOTHER one for hip hop happening types like me.


Be gentle with me, I'm probably the oldest one on here now! Bugger.

If you think you are old don't forget that I'm the guy that remembers petrol at 22.5p a GALLON. Mind you I have a bit of a problem remembering 10 mins ago................If you think you are old don't forget that I'm the guy that remembers petrol at 22.5p a GALLON. ..................If you think you are old don't forget that I'm the guy that remembers petrol at 22.5p a GALLON.

Told you my memory was going Timbo. I got my first provisional bike licence in 1960 so fuel was probably a lot cheaper than the 22.5 p I remember. Bought my first bike an Ariel 350 Red Hunter rigid back end for £10. First new car in 1966 MG 1098 Midget £647 on the road inc optional heater Can't remember the price of beer as it was so cheap it didn't matter.

How about 2/6d a gallon?

For some of you that will look like code. Clue: before 1971.

Ah, cheap beer. Watney's Red Barrel 10p a pint. You could have a bloody good night out for two quid including a fish supper on the way home.

Yes, seriously, you could!

Timbo wrote:

storminateacup wrote:Told you my memory was going Timbo. I got my first provisional bike licence in 1960 so fuel was probably a lot cheaper than the 22.5 p I remember. Bought my first bike an Ariel 350 Red Hunter rigid back end for £10. First new car in 1966 MG 1098 Midget £647 on the road inc optional heater Can't remember the price of beer as it was so cheap it didn't matter.

I am going to concede on this one, you are indeed a fossil

First bike for me was a DT125 field bike at 12, then a DOT Villiers scrambler and a Sun 175 Scooter. First road legal was an SS50 in 1980, then a C15 and onwards!!

First car was a Herald, what a piece of engineering they are, as in sh1t engineering, outriggers are the worst idea ever.

My first bike was an SS50 !