1. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella, unless at rugby and your biltong is getting wet, then, for the eating period only, it is permissible.
2. It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a. when a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c. After wrecking your car.
d. 1 hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game"
e. When she is using her teeth.
f. Upon a blow to the Family Jewels
3. Any Man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his mates.
4. Unless he murdered someone in your family or stole your girlfriend, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5. If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her. (Consult code Of Conduct between Mates - Bloke Version)
6. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden. However you can complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
7. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional, and only as a reason to celebrate at the pub.
8. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
9. When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
10. You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you intentionally trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
11. It is permissible to quaff a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel ...and it's free. At all other times it is strictly forbidden.
12. Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another bloke in the nuts.
13. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked. (not even with roll matts)
