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I used to work with a guy who had very bad piles Like the rest of us we all had a good joke or to about that . Well it looks like its his turn to have a chuckle after spending a hour in the local A&E tonight having mine massaged back in place by a uber strong southafrican doc (male) I now know the sort of pain you ladys must endure it was so bad he had to stop and get a nurse to give me some entonox and it stiil hurt like hell I hope none of you get them because they are bloody nasty

Mate, I do feel your pain, not on that scale though..

Isn't that Entonox great though? I had it when I dislocated my shoulder, and at the birth of my children. It really does make you laugh.. the only problem is that it's cleared too quickly... shame that... should be a drug of abuse....which I think it is in NZ!

I could not have took much more without the gas I have now been instructed on how to do it myself but it is difficult to relax your sphinter when your trying to stick one or two fingers up your elbow I am still in a lot of pain have to see the gp tomorow to get me refered to a consultant to get them sorted once and for all cause I have them bad for around 5 months and its a nightmare

mate i fell sorry for you but............... feckin LMAO cheers for that

remember a m8 of mine said he wasnt out at wkend cos he was having an operation on his piles...
apparently his butt was too tight and they were going to make a cut inside to open it up a bit.
i said bollox, you know what them doctors are like, they'll strap you to the table and elbow the sh1t out of u lol.

week later i nipped round with some red grapes (!) and he was feeling proper sorry for himself, sat on a rubber ring, staring at a jarfull of lube sachets.
he said he had to put some on his starfish twice a day and then produced a shiny glass cone that he had to push up it to stop the stitches healing to themselves...

i said crouton off, that's a trophy for having the tightest butt

I feel so much better for reading the above

Funny that....no not you having piles ,just that was a very recent topic on the scottishbiker forum, as i was taking a bit of a ribbing cos i bought an inflatable seat pad for my bike ,like an airhawk pad but only £8 .......they were all saying i had piles

If you think a seat pad would help ..... http://www.ukgser.com/forums/showthread.php?t=203852

Inflatable 'Stadium Seat' http://www.putnams.co.uk/travel.htm

I bought one just to try to ease the 'numb elbow' i get on longish ride-outs .

OMG.......ive just searched google images for ' Haemorrhoids ' ffs matey ,those look bloody nasty ..........i thought most folk had them ,but it was only when they dropped oot like a bunch of grapes ,that they caused problems.

benny hedges wrote:
i said crouton off, that's a trophy for having the tightest butt

You missed your chance for a piece of coal up there hoping for a diamond then

Edit:- thought with piles they could tie a loop around pull tight and leave it there will eventually die and fall out.

You can botox them as well he could do my face at the same time
Had a chat with the gf as she is a doctor , Its one of the most painfull things you can have .

That and a wire brush yer anus goes into spasam and restricts the blood supply to the arterys that have been pushed out then if you are realy lucky the blood clotes and they hurt like hell so I have to lie on my bed with the ky and try and force the blood out of the piles back up my swolen anus witch is as tight as a ducks ass and as sore as you can imagine and try and relax at the same time .Not Easy

Should the words "poke" and "piles" be used in the same sentence?

Timbo wrote:Whatever next? first its Erectile Disfunction, now roids, whatever next? anyone want to tell us about their prostate issues?


Sorry to hear about your grapes though mate, sounds really nasty

Oh No, don't mention the prostate!

I'm too young for that, but it's something most men will experience... at 80Years old, 80% of men have prostate issues...

Get used to having a finger up the A....

Still, nothing compared to what women have to go through....

Sort of know what you're going through....

A while back I had a boil near my arsehole, it then rotted through which made a sort of bypass for my sphincter.

With careful fingering I could fart the National Anthem.

Had an op, but afterwards I needed to have the internal wound kept clean, which basically meant that someone needed to stick their finger up my butt twice a day for a month.

The embarrassing bit was that the nurse was the mother of my next-door neighbour. She asked me whether I wanted her to do it, or would I prefer another nurse?

So my choice was, do I want someone I know or a stranger to poke their digit up my tradesman's entrance?

Didn't know how to decide that one.

Wifey had to spray an aerosol (yes, I know) of saline solution on first, she played it like target practice, me bent over the bed, her taking pot shots at my ringpiece from the other side of the room.

We have such a laugh looking back, whenever she brings it up when we're out dining with friends. Funnily enough, it seems to come up most times we go out with her friends, seems to be a popular subject.......

Have we had a venereal disease thread yet?

gilson wrote:

Timbo wrote:Whatever next? first its Erectile Disfunction, now roids, whatever next? anyone want to tell us about their prostate issues?


Sorry to hear about your grapes though mate, sounds really nasty

Oh No, don't mention the prostate!

I'm too young for that, but it's something most men will experience... at 80Years old, 80% of men have prostate issues...

Get used to having a finger up the A....

Still, nothing compared to what women have to go through....

Dunno what you mean....any woman I'm with gets it up the ass from day 1

gilson wrote:

Timbo wrote:Whatever next? first its Erectile Disfunction, now roids, whatever next? anyone want to tell us about their prostate issues?


Sorry to hear about your grapes though mate, sounds really nasty

Oh No, don't mention the prostate!

I'm too young for that, but it's something most men will experience... at 80Years old, 80% of men have prostate issues...

Get used to having a finger up the A....

Still, nothing compared to what women have to go through....

Prostate......i actually had a test for that a few weeks back!

I'd had the docs finger up for a pile check ,maybe 5 years ago ,and that was kinda uncomfortable to say the least ,so i was quite relieved when i was told i was going for a Prostate 'Digital' Rectal Examination' ,ie at least its not his finger,it must be some sort of impliment.
How wrong i was , fekn 'Digit' means finger , and touching my prostate,it felt like he was touching my tonsils ,........'male G-spot' ,so they say ?......it was bloody horrible