> > The Vodka Scooter (you'll recognise this!!!)
> >
> >* The Vodka Scooter... How many times have you woken up in the
> >morning after a hard night drinking and thought, "How on earth did I
> get
> >home?"
> >
> >
> >* As hard as you try, you cannot piece together your return
> >journey from the pub to your house.
> >
> >
> >* The answer to this puzzle is that you used a "Vodka Scooter".
> >
> >
> >* The Vodka Scooter is a mythical form of transport, owned and
> >leased to the drunk by Bacchus, the Roman God of Wine.
> >
> >
> >* The Vodka Scooter works in the following fashion - The passenger
> >reaches a certain level of drunkenness and the "slurring gland"
begins
> >to give off a pheromone. Bacchus or one of his many sub-contractors
> >detects this pheromone and sends down a winged Vodka Scooter.
> >
> >
> >* The Scooter scoops up the passenger and deposits them in their
> >bedroom via a Trans-Dimensional Portal. This is not cheap to run, so
a
> >large portion of the passenger's in-pocket cash is taken as payment.
> >
> >
> >* This answers the second question after a night out, "How did I
> >spend so much money?"
> >
> >
> >* Unfortunately, Vodka Scooters have a poor safety record and are
> >thought to be responsible for over 90% of all UDI (Unidentified
> Drinking
> >Injuries), such as bruised legs, stubbed toes, scratched hands and a
> >sore spot on the top of your head.
> >
> >
> >* An undocumented feature of the Vodka Scooter is the destruction
> >of time segments during the trip. The nature of
> >Trans-DimensionalPortals dictates that time will be lost, seemingly
> >unaccounted for?
> >
> >
> >* This answers a third question after a night out, "What the hell
> >happened?"
> >
> >
> >* With good intentions, Bacchus opted for the REMIT (Removal of
> >Embarrassing Moments in Time) add on, that automatically removes, in
> >descending order, those parts in time regretted most.
> >
> >
> >* Unfortunately one person's REMIT is not necessarily the REMIT of
> >another's and quite often, lost time is regained in discussions over
a
> >period of time.
> >
> >
> >* Independent studies have also shown that Beer Goggles often
> >cause the Scooter's navigation system to malfunction thus sending
> >passengers to the wrong bedroom with the wrong person, often with
> >horrific consequences.
> >
> >
> >* Vodka Scooters come equipped with Thump-A-Lot boots (Patent
> >Pending).
> >
> >
> >* These boots are designed in such a way that no matter how
> >quietly you tip-toe up the stairs, you are sure to wake either
everyone
> >else in the house or your downstairs neighbours. Special
anti-gravity
> >springs ensure that you bump into every wall in the house and the
CTSGS
> >(Coffee Table Seeking Guidance System) explains the bruised shins.
> >
> >
> >* Don't forget the on-board heater, which allows you to
> >comfortably get home from the pub in sub-zero temperatures, wearing
> just
> >a small outfit for the ladies or for the men no jacket.
> >
> >
> >* Vodka scooters.........the wonders of modern technology...have
> >you ever had a ride on one??!!
This explains everything
This explains everything
"Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut."
