"Good Evening, you're watching Eye-witness News, live from Palm Beach, Florida.
I'm Chad Hanging, reporting on the British General Election. Let's go over to our Special correspondent in London, Brit Limey, who is standing beside the famous Nelson Mandela's column.
Chad, this is an historic day in Englandland. President Tony Blair has just won a third term.
Third Term? He can do that?
Yes Chad, unlike the USA, British Presidents can go on and on.
So Blair could be there for life, Brit?
No, He's already announced that he's going to resign.
What straight after being elected?
Before actually.
So these crazy Brits voted for a guy who says he's going to quit, Brit?
That's an affirmative. Chad.
Blair's a Conservative right?
No, he's labour.
But I thought he was big buddies with George W Bush.
He is, Chad, and before that he was kissin' cousin of Bill Clinton.
So who takes over when Blair goes?
A guy called Brown. Like the gillie who was having an affair with Queen Victoria.
He's the Vice-president, like Cheney, yeah?
No, thats a fat guy calles Two Jags, Used to be a waiter on the cruise ships.
Two Jags? He's like Native American?
No that's his nickname, It's short for Two Jag-wars.
So who's this Brown?
He's like the treasury guy, from Scotlandland.
So Englandland gets a president from Scotlandland who they haven't voted for?
That's right. In actual fact, without Scotlandland Blair wouldn't be able to govern, which he isn't going to for much longer.
How's that Brit?
Well, Chad. the conseratives won the popular vote in Englandland by a 60,000 margin.
So why didn't didn't a conservative become President?
Thats because of the electoral college system called the House of Commons, which means that even though Blair got 60,000 fewer votes in Englandland he still got 92 more seats in Parliment.
Hang on, Brit, weren't these the guys who claimed that Bush wasn't legitimately elected in 2000?
That's correct, Chad. But Blair also won in Scotlandland, too. In fact he relies on his MPs from Scotlandland to get through legislation in Englandland.
Doesn't Scotlandland have it's own parliment?
That's right Chad, but Scottish MPs in Englandland can't vote on stuff like education and health in Scotlandland, so they decide what happens in Englandland instead. Even though no one in Englandland has voted for them.
Run that by me again, Brit. Isn't that a bit like the USA being run by Canada?
I guess so Chad.
Aren't the Conservatives challenging that? Who was their candiate?
A guy called Michael, from Walesland.
How can a guy from Walesland be leader of the Conservatives in Englandland?
He's not Chad.
Not what, Brit?
Not the leader anymore. He's resigned too.
So there's a President who's resigning and a leader of the opposition who's also resigning, Brit?
Got it in one, Chad.
But we keep hearing how popular Blair is. Why would he go?
Actually, Chad, everyone here hates him. Labour only got 36 per cent of those who bothered to vote. Taking abstentions into account, fewer than one in four voted for Blair.
Yet still he won, Brit?
Go Figure Chad.
So if Blair's going and this Howard guy is goin', who else is there?
There's a chubby guy called Kennedy, for the Liberals. Likes a drink.
What Ted Kennedy's standing in Englandland?
No, Charles Kennedy. He's from Scotlandland too.
We're running out of satellite time, Brit, Just help me out here. What we're talking about is a President being elected even though he lost the popular vote in Englandland because Englandland is now run from Scotlandland?
Affirmative, Chad.
And people vote for him knowing that he's going to resign?
Check.
And they have the nerve to tell us that we can't run a democractic electon. This is Chad Hanging signing off from Palm Beach Country. Have a nice day.
