understanding women

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tony.wilde1
Posts: 2230
Joined: Thu Apr 10, 2003 9:32 pm
Location: sussex

understanding women

Post by tony.wilde1 »

In the world, one single rule applies to the men:
Make the Woman happy.

Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system:

SIMPLE DUTIES
-- You make the bed (+1)
-- You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
-- You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
-- You go out to buy her what she wants (+5)
-- In the rain (+
-- But return with Beer (-5)
-- You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
-- You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (still 0)
-- You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
-- You pummel it with fireplace poker (+10)
-- It's her pet (-10)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
-- You stay by her side the entire party (0)
-- You stay by her side for a while, then go chat with a friend (-2)
-- Named Tina (-4)
-- Tina is a dancer (-10)

HER BIRTHDAY
-- You take her out to dinner (0)
-- You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)
-- Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
-- And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)
-- It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colours of your favourite team (-10)

A NIGHT OUT
-- You take her to a movie (+2)
-- You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
-- You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
-- You take her to a movie you like (-2)
-- It's called 'DeathCop' (-3)
-- You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

YOUR PHYSIQUE
-- You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
-- You develop a potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
-- You develop a potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and Hawaiian shirts (-30)
-- You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)

ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION
-- She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [That's right, you lose points no matter how you answer]
-- You hesitate in responding (-10)
-- You reply, "Where?" (-35)
-- Any other response (-20)

COMMUNICATION
-- When she wants to talk, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)
-- You listen for over 30 minutes (+50)
-- You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
-- She realises this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)
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VTRgirl
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Joined: Mon May 16, 2005 3:22 pm
Location: Sunny Queensland, Great Southern Land

Post by VTRgirl »

Posting a joke that's as old as the hills [-5]
That still makes me laugh [+10]

You win.
If you ate yourself would you become twice as big or simply disappear?
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tony.wilde1
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Joined: Thu Apr 10, 2003 9:32 pm
Location: sussex

Post by tony.wilde1 »

+5 total score then? :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
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VTRgirl
Posts: 2281
Joined: Mon May 16, 2005 3:22 pm
Location: Sunny Queensland, Great Southern Land

Post by VTRgirl »

Being able to do maths [+3]
If you ate yourself would you become twice as big or simply disappear?
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Kitch
Posts: 1548
Joined: Fri Apr 28, 2006 7:05 pm
Location: Lancashire

Post by Kitch »

tony up to +8... nice going...

until the:

having 300gb of girl's tits on your PC [-1000]
that aren't hers [-1000]
that you'd rather watch instead of Corrie with her [-5000]
that you think are nicer than hers [-10000000000]
Voted most likely to be found dead in park bushes following an act of autoerotic asphyxiation.
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tony.wilde1
Posts: 2230
Joined: Thu Apr 10, 2003 9:32 pm
Location: sussex

Post by tony.wilde1 »

Kitch wrote:tony up to +8... nice going...

until the:

having 300gb of girl's tits on your PC [-1000]
that aren't hers [-1000]
that you'd rather watch instead of Corrie with her [-5000]
that you think are nicer than hers [-10000000000]
clever bast@rd!! :oops:

:lol: :lol: :lol:
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sirch345
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Joined: Mon Aug 25, 2003 10:35 pm
Location: The West Country.

Post by sirch345 »

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
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