'Bloody Hell, I could murder a Chinese'
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The other day I phoned my local pizza delivery firm and asked for a thin and crusty supreme.
They sent me Diana Ross.
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did
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A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father.
She stands next to the barber chair, eating a cake while her dad gets his haircut.
The barber smiles at her and says, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your muffin."
"I know," she replies. "I'm gonna get tits too."
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scientist today exhumed beethoven from his grave, when they opened the coffin , they were shocked to see him playing the piano backwards,
when asked what this meant a spokesman said he was de-composing
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Sky have just won the rights to screen the first World Origami Championships from Tokyo.
Unfortunately it's only available on Paper View......
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Sean Connery gets a call from his agent one day.
The agent goes "Sean, I've got you a job, starts tomorrow, early. You'll have to be there for 10-ish".
Sean furrows his brow and says "Tennish? but I don`t even have a racket."
