Butcher Jokes

[cupasoop]

A man walks into a butchers
"Do you have a sheeps head"?
"No", replies the butcher, "it's just the way I part my hair"

A man walks into a butcher's. he says "have you got pigs feet?"
The butcher says "yes, sir"
The man says "well trot over and get me a pound o' mince then, porky!"

Bloke walks into a butcher's. Butcher says, "Bet you a tenner that you can't jump up and touch the meat that's hung up on the ceiling with your hand."
Bloke says, "No thanks."
Butcher says, "OK, bet you twenty quid that you can't jump up and hit the meat that's hung up on the ceiling."
Bloke says, "No thanks mate."
Butcher says, "OK, OK, I'll give you a hundred quid if you can do it."
Bloke says, "No thanks mate, the steaks are too high."

A dog walks into a butcher shop with a purse strapped around its neck. He walks up to the meat case, and calmly sits there until its his turn to be helped. A man, who was already in the butcher shop, finished his purchase and noticed the dog. The butcher leaned over the counter and asked the dog what it wanted today. The dog put its paw on the glass case in front of the minced beef, and the butcher said, "How many pounds?"
The dog barked twice, so the butcher made a package of 2 pounds of minced beef.
He then said, "Anything else?"
The dog pointed to the pork chops and the butcher said, "How many?"
The dog barked four times, and the butcher made up a package of 4 pork chops.
The dog then walked around behind the counter, so the butcher could get at the purse. The butcher took out the right amount of money and tied 2 packages of meat around the dogs neck. The man, who had been watching all of this, decided to follow the dog. It walked for several blocks and then walked up to a house and began to scratch at the door to be let in. As the owner opened the door, the man said to the owner, "That's a really smart dog you have there."
The owner said, "He's not really that smart. This is the second time this week he forgot his key."

A wee Glasssgow woman goes into a butchershop, where the butcher has just came out of the freezer, and is standing hands behind his back, with his butt aimed at an electric fire.
The wee woman checks out the display case then asks,
"Is that yer Ayrshire bacon?"
"Naw," replies the butcher. "I'm just heating my hands up"

And now my new, all time favorite joke
An obvious homosexual goes into a butchers shop and says to the butcher "can i have a mince round"
Butcher says "OK, but be quick. We close in 5 minutes"

[stormingjoe]