JEAN PIERRE

[METALDAN]

PICTURE THE SCENE, IT'S 1916 AND A BIPLANE LANDS AT A GRAND FRENCH CHATEU. IT'S PILOT IS JEAN-PIERRE, THE GREATEST FIGHTER PILOT IN ALL OF FRANCE. HE KNOCKS ON THE DOOR OF THE INN, THE INNKEEPER RECOGNISES HIM IMMEDIATELY "JEAN PIERRE! THE GREATEST FIGHTER PILOT IN ALL OF FRANCE, COME IN, WHATS MINE IS YOURS, ASK FOR ANYTHING YOU WANT ITS ON ME"

JEAN PIERRE SAYS" I WANT A BOTTLE OF RED WINE, A BOTTLE OF WHITE WINE, A BOTTLE OF BEST COGNAC, AND A BUXOM NAKED SWEDISH BLOND AT MY DOOR IN TEN MINUTES"

TEN MINUTES LATER THERE IS A KNOCK AT THE DOOR, OPENING IT HE FINDS A BEAUTIFUL SWEDISH BLOND IN A FUR COAT " I AM JEAN-PIERRE, IAM THE GREATEST FIGHTER PILOT IN ALL OF FRANCE", HE SAYS, "AND WHEN I ASK FOR A NAKED BLONDE I WANT A NAKED BLONDE!

SHE THROWS OFF HER COAT AND IS NAKED UNDERNEATH, SO HE GRABS HER BY THE HAIR, DRAGS HER ACROSS THE ROOM AND THROWS HER ON THE BED

HE'S ABOUT TO KIS HER WHEN HE RIPS THE CORK FROM THE RED WINE WITH HIS TEETH, AND POURS IT OVER HER LIPS BEFORE KISSING HER PASSIONATELY. "WHY DID YOU DO THAT?" SHE ENQUIRES. "BECAUSE I AM JEAN-PIERRE, IAM THE GREATEST FIGHTER PILOT IN ALL OF FRANCE AND WHEN I HAVE RED MEAT I LIKE RED WINE.

HE LOOKS AT HER BREASTS AND IS ABOUT TO BURY HIS HEAD BETWEEN THEM WHEN HE TEARS THE CORK FROM THE WHITE WINE AND POURS IT OVER HER CHEST "WHY DID YOU DO THAT?" SHE ENQUIRES. "BECAUSE I AM JEAN-PIERRE, IAM THE GREATEST FIGHTER PILOT IN ALL OF FRANCE AND WHEN I HAVE WHITE MEAT I LIKE WHITE WINE.

THEN HE LOOKS DOWN AT HER CROTCH TEARS THE CORK FROM THE COGNAC AND POURS IT INTO HER BUSH, AND IMMEDIATELY SETS LIGHT TO IT

SHE ROLLS AROUND THE BED SCREAMING IN PAIN, "WHY THE wombles DID YOU DO THAT?""BECAUSE I AM JEAN-PIERRE, IAM THE GREATEST FIGHTER PILOT IN ALL OF FRANCE AND WHEN I GO DOWN I GO DOWN IN FLAMES.

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