Dont ever poke fun at people with piles

[balls]

Well the doc has taken me off work for a week I can hardly bend over And as I work in a Warehouse seemed like a good idea . And has refered me to a consultant to sort it out for good . No idea what they will do and I dont care as all I want to do is be able have a dump without ending up in A & E every time

[Jbrebel]

Have we had a venereal disease thread yet?

Not yet I don't think Tony-but I'm sure it'll not be long

[Zakalwe]

Speaking of 'orrible ailments:
One bloke I knew had an ingrown hair on his butt. Not a problem, until the bloody hair kept growing till it grew into his rectum. Cue a full on operation (what he had is known as a fistula- lined him up for a million fisting jokes), which ended up with the cavity having to be packed with sterile cloth and antibiotic cream, to stop the wound closing and not healing. Every couple of days the cloth would have to come out, and the wound repacked, as it gradually closed from the inside out.

Another bloke I worked with had a perforated bowel. Simply put, shite was leaking out of his lower bowel and was working down his abdomen and into his leg. Cue a major op to sort his bowel out (and a colostomy while it healed) and a massive clean-up deep inside his hip and leg.

Makes ya fecking glad to be healthy, doesn't it???

[Jbrebel]

Your not kidding mate

Seen the results of ingrowing butt hairs on those dodgy health programmes that come on C4 etc...and as for the sh1t leg...

Not good

[balls]

Ok thats enough as I started this I think I should end it or else I will have to tell you about my forskin . Here endith this thread

[Jbrebel]

I think we should start having an "random/innapropriate thread of the week"

[tony.mon]

Have we had a venereal disease thread yet?

Not yet I don't think Tony-but I'm sure it'll not be long

Right, I'll save that story for later.

[benny hedges]

Speaking of 'orrible ailments:

you were lucky.

once, weeks after doing my back in, i still had a niggling twinge i nthe bollock area so went the docs, very worried in case i had ruptured myself.
anyway he said it's ok, you haven't got a hernia, but i've found a lump
obviously i shat myself, but he said dont worry, take 2 of these twice a day and come back in a week, in the meantime i'll book you in for the 'full male health check', while you're nearly 40....
anyway, the lump disappeared ok, and i felt great.

then i got an appointment to have a scan thing... they said don't eat for 3 days, dont drink for 24hrs, so i was fkin starvin and spitting feathers.
wasn't too chuffed when the docs all started ordering maccys while i was on the slab
anyway, they proceeded to inject me with lead and then put me on a 5 axis cnc with a xray camera on it, zapped the crouton out of me and made a 3d xray of all my gizzerds.

all ok.

week later, another appointment. cytoscopy.
WARNING - if you ever get one of these invites, leave the country immediately!
"it's a modern procedure using a sub-microscopic fibre-optic camera which takes a look inside your bladder"

ok, i thought, it'll just be like a piece of fishing line, i'll be ok, i don't need general knockout...
so off i went,
they set me at ease, legs in stirrups, rubbed some freezing jelly on my bell end (which felt quite nice) then came out with a mastic gun full of ky jelly WTF!!!
they fired the lot down my japs eye, horrible.
followed what i can only describe as a kettle lead with a headlight bulb on the end, which got stuck until the doc forced it right in with a snap like a laccy band going

next he started turning nobs on a screen thing and asked me if i wanted a look - er no ta.
i could feel it poking my sides like summat off aliens, then they took a snip from inside, implanted me with a ufo tracking device then rodded it out again, followed by a gush of lube and blood.

instantly i felt the need to pee very embarrassing and the most excruciating penile pain i have ever endured.
even worse than boning the mrs.
i was incontinent for a mth after that and still shudder at the memory.
not nice.

[Zakalwe]

<eye-watering stuff snipped>

'kin fella...are you sure that you didn't take a wrong turn and end up in Dyno-Rod?:????

[MrsCupa]

ahhhhhhhh, now I know why Cupa told me there was a thread I could sympathise with on here

Tell you what boys, go google Pilonidal Abcess then combine that with piles and chronic IBS and tell me you don't feel sorry for me

[bikerpiker]

ahhhhhhhh, now I know why Cupa told me there was a thread I could sympathise with on here

Tell you what boys, go google Pilonidal Abcess then combine that with piles and chronic IBS and tell me you don't feel sorry for me

Err i dont think i will google that ,i'm still traumatised after looking up heamer,hemorhoi...achhh.. 'Piles' on google images

Its easier for you women ,i mean ...... us guys are known for putting up with things especially when it comes to 'bums' or 'tackle', rather than having to whip them oot for the doc.

Must say though ,those doctors are worth their salary ,when you think they have to put their fingers up folks arses every day ,then go home and eat a meal without thinking about it