After many centuries of Human life and Death Heaven was begining to get a bit over crowded.
God with a heavy heart decides to go to Saint Peter at the gates and tell him that they are going to have to change the requirements to gain entry to Heaven.
They decided that they would trial a new idea of allowing only people who had died in a really horrible way or had a really bad day when they died into heaven.
St peter decided to go along with this and sure enough moments later the first new arrival wonders upto the Gates.
St Peter explains the new situation to the man and ask's him how he died.
Right, says the man, i got sacked from my job this morning and went home to break the bad news to my wife, got home to my 4th floor apartment and found her naked in bed, her clothes strewn all over, it was the last straw i went hunting round the flat looking for the other bloke i knew had to be there ,my wife screaming at me that no one was there.
I couldn't find anyone and was about to give up and apologise when i spotted fingers hanging onto the balcony, walked over and sure enough some bloke half naked is hanging off my blacony, i snapped!
I started stamping on his fingers, kicking but he just wouldn't go down so i went, got my hammer and sure enough that got loose and he fell 4 stories.
Imagine my shock went the jammy git hits the tree line, they break his fall and he survives!!!
I'm still seeing red and the only thing that came to mind was to drop something heavy on him as he lay there in shock but the only thing to hand was the refigerator, so i drag this over, it's a lot heavier than i thought! but i manage to heave it over the balcony and crush him!
Only problem is all the stress and strain must of been too much and i had a heart attack and died right there.
St peter still in shock at this story realises that despite this being a crime of passion he fits the new requirment for heaven and has to allow him in.
As he sits there contemplating this latest turn when the 2nd arrival turns up.
He ask's this 2nd man how did you die then.
Right, says the man, i'm at home, its a hot sweaty day and i'm on my 5th floor apartment balcony doing some excercise as i need to get fit, but i guess i over did it and came over all feint, i staggered and fell backwards over my blacony.
Luckily i manage to grab hold of the balcony below me, i'm taking a few seconds to gather myself together before i try to pull myself up when this Nutter!! comes out, looks at me and starts stamping on my fingers!! i'm clinning on for dear life when he goes back in, i'm about to start screaming for help when he comes back with a hammer!!, forget that i think and let go taking my chances with the floor.
I couldn't belive it when i hit the trees and they cushioned my fall!, i hit the ground hard but alive! and i'm sitting there gathering myself to get up....when i see this nutter heaving a Fridge over the balcony!!
I'm telling my body to move but i just cant...and now i'm here..
Wow....says St Peter thats so unlucky, well your in, and ushers the man into Heaven.
As he sits there thinking about this another man turns up.
Well, St peter asks the man sure that he can't top the last 2, how did you die.
Well...says the 3rd man,
Picture this.
I'm just lying there.
Minding my own business.
Stark bollock naked inside this fridge.