dont mess with a scottish wife

[AMCQ46]

TO BE READ WITH A SCOTTISH ACCENT!!!!!!!!!
and no....... this isnt based on anything that happened in "ma hoose".........am not that brave






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Wee Jimmy had just finished a new book called “How to be the Man of your House” and decided he was taking action.

He barges into the kitchen and announces to his wee Scottish wife, Mary, that “from noo oan, you need tae ken that a am the man o’ this hoose and ma word is law. Right”.
“So, the ‘nite you’ll prepare me a gourmet meal o’ ma choice and then, when I’m finished eating you’ll serve me a sumptuous dessert.

After dinner you’re comin up the stairs wi’ me an we’ll hae the kinda sex that a want for as long as a want it, and then you’ll run me a bath so a can relax.

You’ll wash my back, then dry me wi the towel and then help me intae ma fleecy Rangers pajamas before you massage ma hauns an feet.

Then the morra mornin, guess who’s gonnae dress me an comb ma hair?”
“Well” says Mary, “the f---ing funeral director would be my first guess”

[Kev L]

Later the same day Jimmy takes his missus to the hospital. She is bruised all over, has two black eyes and a cut lip. The Doctor takes a look at her and says to Jimmy "What happened to her?" Jimmy replies "It's the change". The Doctor looks him up and down and states "this can't happen because of the change" Jimmy snarls back "it can if it's in my f**king pocket"