Paddy wants to become a priest,so he went to see the bishop,who said..."you mush answer three questions on the bible,"first,who was born in a stable?"
"Red rum," paddy said.
"second,what do you think of damascus?"
"it kills 99% of all known grems," paddy replied.
"third,what happened when the disciples went to mount olive,?"
"thats easy,said paddy."popeye kicked the sh1t out of them!".
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A man doing the crossword asks his wife,"four letter word for a female relative ending in U-N-T?"
his wife replies "Aunt"
"pass the tip-ex please dear!"
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my girlfriend asked me to go shopping for something that made her look sexy..you should have seen the look on her face when i came back with 24 cans of stella!
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they say that sex is the best form of exercise
now correct me if i'm wrong but 2minutes and 15seconds every three months isn't going to shift this fat blokes beer belly.is it!!