Paddy power
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An irishman was walking home late one night and sees a woman lurking in the shadows
"Twenty pounds" she whispers.
paddy had never had a hooker before,but what the hell,it's only twenty pounds he thinks.
so they hide in the bushes.
they're going at it for for a couple of minutes when,all of a sudden,a light flashes on them,it's a police officer,
"whats going on here people" asks the officer.
"i'm making love to me wife" the irishman answers sounding very annoyed.
"oh i'm sorry" says the officer "i didn't know"
"well neither did i," says paddy "until you shined the light on her face!"
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the price to be paid
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God visits a man and tells him to give up smoking,drinking and sex in order to go to heaven, The man says he'll try, a week later god visits the man to see how he's getting on, "Not bad" says the man, "I've given up smoking and drinking,but when the wife bent over the freezer i had to give her one from behind,"
"They don't like that in heaven" god replies
the man says "they're not too happy about it in morrison's either,"