Two Essex girls walk up to a perfume counter and pick up a sample
bottle, Sharon sprays it on her wrist and smells it, "That's quite nice
innit, don't you fink Trace?" "Yeah, what's it called?" "Viens a moi"
VIENS A MOI, what the f**k does that mean?" At this stage the assistant
offers some help. "Viens a moi, ladies is French for 'come to me'"
Sharon takes another sniff and offers her arm to Tracey again, saying,
"That doesn't smell like come to me Trace. Does it smell like come to
you?"
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An Essex girl goes to the council to register for child benefit. "How
many children?" asks the council worker "10" replies the Essex girl
"10???" says the council worker.. "What are their names?" "Wayne,
Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne and Wayne"
"Doesn't that get confusing?" "Naah..." says the Essex girl "its great
because if they are out playing in the street I just have to shout
WAAYNE, YER DINNER'S READY or WAAYNE GO TO BED NOW and they all do
it..." "What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the
perturbed council worker. "That's easy," says the Essex girl... "I just
use their surnames"
--------------
An Essex girl and an Irish guy are in a bar when the Essex girl notices
something strange about the wellies that the Irish guy's wearing. She
says to him "Scuse me mate, I ain't bein fannny or naffink, but why doz
one of your wellies ave an L on it, and the uva one's got an R on it?"
So, the Irish guy smiles, puts down his pint of Guinness and replies,
"Well, oim a
little bit tick you see. The one with the R is for me roight foot and
the one with the L is for me left foot." "Cor, blimey!" exclaims the
Essex girl, "So THAT'S why me knickers 'ave got C&A on them."
-----------
A blond girl comes back from school one evening. She runs to her mum
and says: "Mummy today at school we learnt how to count. Well, all the
other girls only counted to 5, but listen to me: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10
! That's good, innit?" "Yes darling, very good." "Is that because I'm
blond?" "Yes darling, it's because you're blond." Next day, the
little girl comes back from school and says: "Mummy, today at school
we learnt the alphabet. All the other girls only went as far as D, but
listen to me: A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K ! That's good, innit?" "Yes
darling, very good." "Is that because I'm blond, mummy?" "Yes darling
it's because you're blond." Next Day, she returns from school and
cries: "Mummy, today we went swimming, and well, all the other girls
have no breasts, but look at me!" She proceeds to flash her impressive
36 D hooters at her mum. "Is that because I'm blond, mummy?" Her mother
replied "No darling, it's because you're 25."
LETS LOWER THE TONE!
LETS LOWER THE TONE!
"Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut."
