The First Affair
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband
opening the front door.
"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner." Then she quickly rubbed baby oil
all over him and then dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered.
"Just pretend you're a statue."
"What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
"Oh, it's a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for
their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too."
No more was said about the statue, not even later when they went to sleep. Around two in the morning, the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk.
"Here," he said to the statue, "eat something. I stood like an idiot at
the Smiths for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass
of water."
The Second Affair
A man walks into a night club one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer.
"Certainly, Sir, that'll be 1 cent."
"One Cent?", exclaimed the man.
The bartender replied, "Yes."
So the man glances over at the menu and asks, "Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with chips, peas and a fried egg?"
"Certainly Sir," replies the barman, "but that comes to real
money."
"How much money?" inquires the man. "4 cents," the bartender replied.
"Four Cents?", exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."
The man says, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
The bartender replied, "The same thing as I'm doing to his business."
The Third Affair
Jake was dying. His wife, Becky, was maintaining a candlelight vigil by his
side. She held his fragile hand, tears running down her face.
Her praying roused him from his slumber.
He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly. "Becky my darling," he whispered.
"Hush my love," she said. "Rest, don't talk."
He was insistent. "Becky," he said in his tired voice, "I have something
that I must confess."
"There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Becky,"everything's all
right, go to sleep."
"No, no. I must die in peace, Becky. I ... I slept with your sister,your
best friend, her best friend and your mother!"
"I know, my sweet one" whispered Becky, "that's why I poisoned you."
Affairs
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yellafella
- Posts: 1276
- Joined: Tue Sep 21, 2004 9:58 am
- Location: Middlesbrough
