(MY APOLOGIES IF THIS HAS OFFENDED ANYBODY)
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Mental Patients
Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they
were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into
the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna
promptly jumped in to save him.
She swam to the bottom, pulled Jim out and brought him to his room.
When the hospital director became aware of Edna's heroic act, she
immediately ordered that Edna be discharged from the hospital because she now considered Edna to be mentally stable. She went to Edna and said, "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you're being discharged because you responded so rationally to a crisis. By jumping in the pool to save the life of another patient, you displayed sound mindedness. The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in his bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry,but he's dead."
Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry.
How soon can I go home
Mental Patients
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yellafella
- Posts: 1276
- Joined: Tue Sep 21, 2004 9:58 am
- Location: Middlesbrough
Glad you liked itVTRgirl wrote:roflmho! Brilliant! And I'm currently working in a dementia ward... Soooo many people to tell...
Gotta go!
Jokes are a strange thing really, what you think are dead funny, sometimes other's don't
Chris.
PS. Didn't realise you were working on that particular ward honest
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yellafella
- Posts: 1276
- Joined: Tue Sep 21, 2004 9:58 am
- Location: Middlesbrough
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VTRgirl
- Posts: 2281
- Joined: Mon May 16, 2005 3:22 pm
- Location: Sunny Queensland, Great Southern Land
Technically, that was a lie. I'm on a "medical" ward. Basically this means all the really old really sick about to die patients. I secretly think most of them jump on the dementia band-wagon just to build up their problem list. We get some doozies, though! Recently I had a poor bloke clutching his catheter bag & yelling for us to call a doctor, convinced it was his bladder which was outside his body for some reason... Kept shouting that "of course something was wrong because all this stuff keeps going back to his chipolata"... "All this stuff" (as he indicated) included not only the catheter, but his oxygen tubing and drip stuff, etc, etc (which I assure you, had nothing to do with his ol' fella). This went on for a few hours from about 2am & kept the rest of the ward awake & complaining.sirch345 wrote:Didn't realise you were working on that particular ward honest
Perhaps I should start a thread & give you a dementia story of the day... But then again, I'm sure that'd go against some confidentiality thing somewhere...
I can't think of anything dirty that starts with 'h', but then again, I've just come home after night duty, so am not exactly at my mental peak...yellafella wrote:Head ! Thank god for that ! !!!!!! My dirty mind at work again ! Sorry !!!VTRgirl wrote:Laughing my HEAD off... I'm far too well bred to say butt...yellafella wrote:Okay. Rolling Onthe Floor Laughing my ????? off ! whats h for ?
If you ate yourself would you become twice as big or simply disappear?
Hooters 
I really admire people like yourself working with the mentally ill with very sad illnesses such as Alzheimer's. I realise somebody has to do it, so thank god for people like you, I'm pretty sure I couldn't! I had to spend 3 nights in hospital last year and apparently the mentally ill are now placed in the normal wards (government cut backs I presume) we had one mental case who kept shouting most of the night, she was not in my ward but everybody got woken up because of her shouting! We said can't you give her something to calm her down? but they said they were not allowed too!VTRgirl wrote:Technically, that was a lie. I'm on a "medical" ward. Basically this means all the really old really sick about to die patients. I secretly think most of them jump on the dementia band-wagon just to build up their problem list. We get some doozies, though! Recently I had a poor bloke clutching his catheter bag & yelling for us to call a doctor, convinced it was his bladder which was outside his body for some reason... Kept shouting that "of course something was wrong because all this stuff keeps going back to his chipolata"... "All this stuff" (as he indicated) included not only the catheter, but his oxygen tubing and drip stuff, etc, etc (which I assure you, had nothing to do with his ol' fella). This went on for a few hours from about 2am & kept the rest of the ward awake & complaining.sirch345 wrote:Didn't realise you were working on that particular ward honest
How you cope with things like that is beyond me!
Chris.
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VTRgirl
- Posts: 2281
- Joined: Mon May 16, 2005 3:22 pm
- Location: Sunny Queensland, Great Southern Land
Most of our doctors are pretty good & will give us an order for something to give them. But have you ever tried to give a needle to someone who thinks you're trying to kill them??? Now there's a challenge! I had a fella throwing chairs at me a few weeks ago as I followed him around the hospital at 2am, trying to convince him not to go home. Security must have been "on a break"... so it was me & him. I eventually coerced him back to bed (in a clinically appropriate way...sirch345 wrote:How you cope with things like that is beyond me!
) & then had to give him an injection. I can tell you, it wasn't the easiest thing I've ever done.The next night at the same time (2am), another demented patient who'd had major surgery the day before, pulled out drains (that were sutured in), his drip & pain control drip & did make it home! At close to 80 years old at 2am in the middle of Winter, this fella bled & walked about 4km in pjs & slippers. All we had was a pool of blood & some tubings.
Anyway, how we cope? We don't have a choice. Generally I laugh it off. On the odd occasion it makes me cry (generally when the patient knows they're losing it). I'm currently applying for a prison nurse job. Monday-Friday. Normal hours. Every weekend off for riding
& heaps better money. Ahhhh, can't beat the government! Wish me luck.If you ate yourself would you become twice as big or simply disappear?
VTRgirl wrote:Most of our doctors are pretty good & will give us an order for something to give them. But have you ever tried to give a needle to someone who thinks you're trying to kill them??? Now there's a challenge! I had a fella throwing chairs at me a few weeks ago as I followed him around the hospital at 2am, trying to convince him not to go home. Security must have been "on a break"... so it was me & him. I eventually coerced him back to bed (in a clinically appropriate way...sirch345 wrote:How you cope with things like that is beyond me!
The next night at the same time (2am), another demented patient who'd had major surgery the day before, pulled out drains (that were sutured in), his drip & pain control drip & did make it home! At close to 80 years old at 2am in the middle of Winter, this fella bled & walked about 4km in pjs & slippers. All we had was a pool of blood & some tubings.
Anyway, how we cope? We don't have a choice. Generally I laugh it off. On the odd occasion it makes me cry (generally when the patient knows they're losing it). I'm currently applying for a prison nurse job. Monday-Friday. Normal hours. Every weekend off for riding
Absolutely amazing and all in a nights work, sometimes I think I have problems at work, but now I'm not so sure after listening to you and your day at the office so to speak
I'll wish you luck, you deserve it
Chris.