The Half Decent Joke Thread...#6

[MacV2]

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, 'Jesus knows you're here.'

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head and continued.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard 'Jesus is watching you.'

Startled, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.

'Yes', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he's watching you.'

The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?'

'Moses,' replied the bird.

'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'

'The kind of people who would name a Rottweiler Jesus.

[VTRDark]

Don't like that it's encouraging a non deserved reputation that Rottweiler's are getting. If things like this keep happening, it encourages paranoia and the next thing that happens is the press get in on the the act and another breed gets put on a so called dangerous dogs (bullshit) list. There should be a dangerous and stupid owners list, don't pick on the dogs.

(:-})

[gl_s_r]

That's a bit heavy... thought it was a joke section?

But in it's defence there is not one point within that joke that indicates the dog is in any way related to an impending attack upon the burglar?

As an alternative maybe he was watching and taking notes so he could describe the burglar to the police when they attend the premises some weeks later. He could then possibly attend a video identity parade in the hopes a positive result could be enough evidence, along with fingerprints at the crime scene to convict said burglar. There is nothing in the joke to indicate this course of action will take place but it is just as likely considering what was actually written. All that is stated is that the burglar was warned that the dog was watching, but for what reason is not indicated.

You may say this action of going to a later identity parade is implausible but then again the burglar has just had an intelligent conversation with a parrot, which responded in a fashion to show he had full understanding of the questions asked, this is just as implausible but is not questioned. Parrots do not have intelligent and intellectual conversations, they do "Parrot fashion".

I could take offence at the way the parrot is subjected to character assassination within this joke. It is portrayed in fashion to suggest it has a covertly nefarious nature, knowing the burglar will be identified by the dog (at the later identity parade) but not fully admitting the full magnitude of the clear and present danger that he (the burglar) has currently found himself in. Should this be the case and the parrot is allowing this to happen with no admonishment or remorse, maybe shows the beginnings of something a lot deeper within his psyche and is indeed a rather dark character as depicted in this joke (some signs of a psychopath maybe).

I would like to assume that a joke within a joke section of a dedicated model motorcycle forum would not cause enough paranoia and mass hysteria for the tabloids to get involved where moves would be made to have a particular breed of dog placed on a dangerous dogs list but in case it does and as you are championing the cause for the dog breed depicted, then I shall champion the parrots position within the joke and the way it can be interpreted and the way it characterises parrots. After all it is possible they all get labelled similar to the one within this joke and a psychopathic parrot list is created by the government at some later stage.

Still..... i'll probably just read it as a joke, rather than a veiled attack at a general parrots character.

[simo]

like the Joke.

[VTRDark]

Sorry I get a bit snappy in the mornings, maybe I should be put on the list I do get a bit too protective over dogs though.

(:-})

[gl_s_r]

As do I Carl... love them to bits and whole heartedly agree with your comments in a normal circumstance.

[AMCQ46]

That's a bit heavy... thought it was a joke section?

But in it's defence there is not one point within that joke that indicates the dog is in any way related to an impending attack upon the burglar?

As an alternative maybe he was watching and taking notes so he could describe the burglar to the police when they attend the premises some weeks later. He could then possibly attend a video identity parade in the hopes a positive result could be enough evidence, along with fingerprints at the crime scene to convict said burglar. There is nothing in the joke to indicate this course of action will take place but it is just as likely considering what was actually written. All that is stated is that the burglar was warned that the dog was watching, but for what reason is not indicated.

You may say this action of going to a later identity parade is implausible but then again the burglar has just had an intelligent conversation with a parrot, which responded in a fashion to show he had full understanding of the questions asked, this is just as implausible but is not questioned. Parrots do not have intelligent and intellectual conversations, they do "Parrot fashion".

I could take offence at the way the parrot is subjected to character assassination within this joke. It is portrayed in fashion to suggest it has a covertly nefarious nature, knowing the burglar will be identified by the dog (at the later identity parade) but not fully admitting the full magnitude of the clear and present danger that he (the burglar) has currently found himself in. Should this be the case and the parrot is allowing this to happen with no admonishment or remorse, maybe shows the beginnings of something a lot deeper within his psyche and is indeed a rather dark character as depicted in this joke (some signs of a psychopath maybe).

I would like to assume that a joke within a joke section of a dedicated model motorcycle forum would not cause enough paranoia and mass hysteria for the tabloids to get involved where moves would be made to have a particular breed of dog placed on a dangerous dogs list but in case it does and as you are championing the cause for the dog breed depicted, then I shall champion the parrots position within the joke and the way it can be interpreted and the way it characterises parrots. After all it is possible they all get labelled similar to the one within this joke and a psychopathic parrot list is created by the government at some later stage.

Still..... i'll probably just read it as a joke, rather than a veiled attack at a general parrots character.

mark, that was funnier than the original joke

[MacV2]

So no one wants to stand up on behalf of the burglar then...

Carl morning snap or not its a fecking joke Dude !

Mark great comment...

Al...I think your right...

Me... I'd like to return this parrot joke I posted just over 12 hrs ago on this very forum...Norwegian Blue beautiful plumage ect ect.

[turbo_billy]

A pirate walks into the doctors with a parrot on his shoulder.
The doctor asks "Where did that come from?" and the parrot replies "well, it started as a boil on my elbow......"
(Disclaimer: No dogs were implicated in the execution of this joke )
Now to watch out for the Pirate police.......

[VTRDark]

Argh ha me harty



A man took his parrot to the vet because it had been sick. The vet said, "I have good news and I have bad news. The bad news is, your bird has chirpees. The good news is, it's tweetable."

(:-})

[macdee]

i don't think it was a parrot at all
i think it would more likely to be a purple crested womb warbler

[macdee]

then again i could be wrong
http://www.vtr1000.org/phpBB3/viewtopic ... it=+parrot

[lumpyv]

BETTER PARROT JOKE....

a bloke is thinking of getting a parrot so pops into his local petshop.

they are all marked up at about 500 quid, which he hasnt got so he makes to leave the shop. th assistant see,s him leaving and asks if he can help?

explaining that he would like a parrot but cant afford £500 the assistant takes him to the back of the shop and shows him a parrot priced up at 50. the parrot says "ello ello " "whos a pretty boy then" etc etc.

crikey he says to the assistant thats a bargain, he,s a lovely talker! why so cheap (cheep).

well he says thats the problem , he,s, got no feet . it puts people off. the bloke says he dosent mind, "bag him up i,ll take him" . oh and by the way how does he keep on the perch??

well says the assistant he wraps his knob round the perch and hangs on like that!

anyway he gets him home and everything is great for a few months until one evening the bloke come in from work.
the parrot says (in a parrot voice) "fun and games here this morning" "fun and games here this morning" "fun and games here this morning"
what do mean ?? he says

"your missus had the milkman in for coffee" "your missus had the milkman in for coffee"
yes, he said
"then she started kissing him" "then she started kissing him" "then she started kissing him"
cheeky sod, he says
"then she slipped her nighty off" "then she slipped her nighty off" "then she slipped her nighty off" says the parrot.
what!! he says getting very irrate
"then he starts playing with her breasts and rubbing her thighs" "then he starts playing with her breasts and rubbing her thighs"
then what happenned, whatever next, says the irate bird fancier............

i dont know says the parrot? i got a hard on and fell off the perch !


i,ll get my coat.