*** THREAD HIJACK ***

[tony.mon]

A classic spoolboy error.

[TheGingerBeardMan]

A classic spoolboy error.

Didn't take me long to cotton on to that ...

[tony.mon]

Turns out there's plenty of money for A+E.



None left for B, C or D though.

Don't get sick, Zoe.......

[tony.mon]

Turns out there's plenty of NHS money for A+E.



None left for B, C or D though.

Don't get sick, Zoe.......

[tony.mon]

If the Queen reaches 100, do we all have to send her a telegram?

[sirch345]

If the Queen reaches 100, do we all have to send her a telegram?

Plus she has two birthdays per year

Chris.

[redpig]

Darn

[tony.mon]

I used too much moisturiser yesterday and ended up with water retention

I had that bloated feeling so ate loads of yoghurt but still felt bloated.
I can't manage any more.

This looking after yourself game isn't as easy as it looks.

My girlfriend's milkshake brings all the boys to her yard.
Better than that, she also comes in a variety of different flavours.

People ask me why little aliens always have big pointy ears- but it's elf explanatory.

[tony.mon]

Do gay men get chapped thighs?

I went on an anti-gravity protest march yesterday and had a placard saying "Down with Gravity!!!!".

I don't suppose it helped.

I tried that bisexual game once.
It was impossible for us both to balance on that ridicously thin saddle and pedal at the same time, so now I just do It in cars.

I bought a Picasso print on the way home of a cartoon bear menstruating.
It was from his Baloo period.

Gotta dash. Or is that just stretching a point?

[j4weeson]

Knock Knock.

Who's there?

Interrupting coefficient of friction.

Interrupting coefficient of fri......

mmmmuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

[tony.mon]

Mr Boneman.
I have considered your defence submission, and I am of the opinion that although your claim that you are "only human" is true insofar as it stands, this in itself does not constitute a defence against the charge of exceeding the speed limit that brings you before me today.

In reaching this decision, I reflect upon the fact that, for example, Adolf Hitler and Dr Harold Shipman are also "only human after all" , but it would be clear to all that their crimes would not be excused, nor would the crimes of any other miscreant or offender, if they were exonerated due to their humanity.
I therefore disregard this aspect of your defence.

However, your other statement, that you accept that you have "made mistakes" is more reflective of your true state of mind when committing the offence, and I therefore decide that you are guilty as charged.

£240 fine plus victim surcharge, six points, and you will lose your license for six months, the fine to be paid within fourteen days.

Next case.....

[redpig]

"While you were away I was human too"

[tony.mon]

What is it about the Network Rail commissioning team??
Why would they buy trains that don't fit between the platforms, meaning that we we have to endure the message at every station to mind the gap.

Have there ever been trains that fit properly?
Is this a case of metric trains and Imperial platforms?

What were they thinking?

Can't we just buy wider trains?
Or bolt a bit onto the platform?
Why is it always me that has to point out the bleedin' obvious and provide a solution?

Unimpressed.

[grumpyfrog]

It's not the platforms, its all these fancy tilting trains......
They need self leveling suspension that when they are stationary compensate for the overweigh commuters that always sit on the same side of the train.

[tony.mon]

It's not the platforms, its all these fancy tilting trains......
They need self leveling suspension that when they are stationary compensate for the overweigh commuters that always sit on the same side of the train.

Just fit one large seat on each side and make the rest normal sized ones.....