Car Parking
The smallest kerbside space successfully reversed into by a woman was one of 63ft 2ins, equivalent to three standard parking spaces, by Mrs Elizabeth Simpkins, driving an unmodified Vauxhall Nova Swing on October 12, 1993. She started the manoeuvre at 11.15am in Ropergate, Pontefract, and successfully parked within three feet of the pavement in 8 hours 14 minutes later. There was slight damage to the bumpers and wings of her own and two adjoining cars, as well as a shop frontage and two lampposts.
Shop Dithering
The longest time spent dithering in a shop was 12 days between August 21 and September 2 1995 by Mrs Sandra Wilks in the Birmingham branch of Dorothy Perkins. Entering the shop on a Saturday morning, Mrs Wilks could not chose between two near identical dresses which were both in a sale. After one hour, her husband sitting on a chair in the changing room with his head in his hands, told her to buy both. Mrs Wilks eventually bought one for £12.99, only to return the following day and exchange it for the other one. To date, she has yet to wear it.
Mrs Wilks also holds the record for window-shopping longevity, when starting in September 12 1995; she stood motionless gazing at a pair of shoes in Clinkard's window in Kidderminster for three weeks and two days before eventually going home.
Talking About Nothing
Mrs Mary Caterham and Mrs Marjorie Steele sat in a kitchen in Blackburn, Lancashire, and talked about nothing whatsoever for four and a half months from May 1 to August 7 1978, pausing only for coffee, cakes and toilet visits. Throughout the whole time, no information was exchanged and neither woman gained any new knowledge whatsoever.
The outdoor record for talking about nothing is held by Mrs Vera Etherington and her neighbour Mrs Dolly Booth, of Ipswich, who between November 11, 1983 and January 12, 1984 chuntered on over their fence in an unenlightening dialogue lasting almost 62 days until Mrs Booth remembered she'd left the bath running.
Film Confusion
The greatest length of time a woman has watched a film with her husband without asking a stupid plot related question was achieved on 28 October 1990, when Mrs Ethel Brunswick sat down with her husband to watch the Ipcress File. She watched in silence for a breathtaking 2 mins 40 secs before asking "Is he a goodie or a baddie then, him in the glasses?", revealing a staggering level of ignorance. This broke her own record set in 1962 when she sat through 2mins 38secs of 633 Squadron before asking, "Is this a war film?".
Group Toilet Visit
The record for the largest group of women to visit a toilet simultaneously is held by 147 workers at the Department of Social Security, Longbenton. At their annual Christmas celebration at a nightclub in Newcastle upon Tyne on October 12 1994, Mrs Beryl Crabtree got up to go to the toilet and was immediately followed by 146 other members of the party. Moving as a mass, the group entered the toilet at 9.52pm and, after waiting for everyone to finish, emerged 2hrs 37mins later.
Incorrect Driving
The longest journey completed with the handbrake on was one of 313 miles from Stranraer to Holyhead by Dr Julie Thorn at the wheel of a Saab 900 on April 2, 1987. Dr Thorn actually smelled burning two miles into the journey at Aird but pressed on to Holyhead with smoke billowing from the rear wheels. This journey also holds the record for the longest completed journey with the choke fully out and the indicator flashing.
Jumble Sale Massacre
The greatest number of old ladies to perish while fighting at a jumble sale is 98, at a Methodist Church Hall in Castleford, West Yorkshire on February 12, 1991. When the doors opened at 10am, the initial scramble to get in cost 16 lives, a further 25 being killed in a crush at the first table. A seven-way skirmish then broke out over a pinafore dress costing 10p, which escalated into a full-scale mêlée resulting in another 18 lives being lost. A pitched battle over a headscarf then ensued and quickly spread throughout the hall, claiming 39 old women. The jumble sale raised £5.28 for the local Boy Scouts.
Gossiping
On February 18 1992, Joyce Blatherwick, a close friend of Agnes Banbury, popped round for a cup of tea and a chat, during the course of which she told Mrs Banbury, in the strictest confidence, that she was having an affair with the local butcher. After Mrs Blatherwick left at 2.10pm, Mrs Banbury immediately began to tell everyone, swearing them all to secrecy. By 2.30pm, she had told 128 people the news. By 2.50pm it had risen to 372 and by 4pm that afternoon, 2,774 knew of the affair, including the local amateur dramatic society, several knitting circles, a coach load of American tourists, which she flagged down, and the butchers wife. When a tired Mrs Banbury went to bed at 11.55pm that night, Mrs Blatherwick's affair was common knowledge to a staggering 75,338 people, enough to fill Wembley Stadium.
