A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walked into a Bar in Dublin. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?"
The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. But down at the end of the bar, an owly-eyed drunk named Paddy slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed, "Give the ballerina a drink!"
The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down. She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them revealing the same hairy armpit and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?"
Once again the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said, "Give the ballerina another drink!"
The bartender approached the little drunk and said, "Tell me, Paddy, it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her the ballerina?"
Paddy replied, "Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina"....
Blame St Patrick...
-
VTRgirl
- Posts: 2281
- Joined: Mon May 16, 2005 3:22 pm
- Location: Sunny Queensland, Great Southern Land
Blame St Patrick...
If you ate yourself would you become twice as big or simply disappear?
-
VTRgirl
- Posts: 2281
- Joined: Mon May 16, 2005 3:22 pm
- Location: Sunny Queensland, Great Southern Land
Once upon a time in the kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for seven days. Eventually, Michael the Archangel found him. He enquired of God "Where the frig were you?"
God breathed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds. Look what I'm making". Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said "What is it?"
God replied "It's another planet, but I'm putting life on it. I've named it Earth and there's gonna be a balance between everything on it. For example, there's North America and South America. North America is gonna be rich and South America will be poor, and the narrow bit joining them will be a hot spot. Now look over here I've put a continent of whites in the North and another one of blacks in the South."
Then the Archangel said "What's that green dot there?"
"Ahhh, that's the Emerald Isle," God said, "that's a very special place".
"That's going to be the most glorious spot on Earth, beautiful mountains, lakes, rivers, streams and exquisite coastline. These people here are gonna be lethal craic and they're gonna be found traveling the world. They'll be playwrights and poets, singers and songwriters And I'm gonna give them this black liquid which they're gonna go mad on, and for which people will come from the far corners of the Earth to drink."
Michael the Archangel gasped in wonder and admiration, then seemingly startled, he said, "Hold' on a wee minute, what about BALANCE, you said there was going to be balance..?"
God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the b8stard I'm putting next door to them!!
God breathed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds. Look what I'm making". Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said "What is it?"
God replied "It's another planet, but I'm putting life on it. I've named it Earth and there's gonna be a balance between everything on it. For example, there's North America and South America. North America is gonna be rich and South America will be poor, and the narrow bit joining them will be a hot spot. Now look over here I've put a continent of whites in the North and another one of blacks in the South."
Then the Archangel said "What's that green dot there?"
"Ahhh, that's the Emerald Isle," God said, "that's a very special place".
"That's going to be the most glorious spot on Earth, beautiful mountains, lakes, rivers, streams and exquisite coastline. These people here are gonna be lethal craic and they're gonna be found traveling the world. They'll be playwrights and poets, singers and songwriters And I'm gonna give them this black liquid which they're gonna go mad on, and for which people will come from the far corners of the Earth to drink."
Michael the Archangel gasped in wonder and admiration, then seemingly startled, he said, "Hold' on a wee minute, what about BALANCE, you said there was going to be balance..?"
God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the b8stard I'm putting next door to them!!
If you ate yourself would you become twice as big or simply disappear?
-
VTRgirl
- Posts: 2281
- Joined: Mon May 16, 2005 3:22 pm
- Location: Sunny Queensland, Great Southern Land
Hmmm... A highly flawed theory you have there Kitch!Kitch wrote:VTRgirl is Buzzard!!!!
The fact that I'm rather okay with my tits would tend to disprove such an accusation.
And nowwww... it's time for Tony's "this thread is useless without pics" post!
If you ate yourself would you become twice as big or simply disappear?
