Darwin Awards

[iggy1966]

Old Darwin Awards - try not to laugh too loudly when you get to the Rhino.



A true high point of the e-mail year has arrived. O.K. It is American, but
it's
the Darwin Awards. For those sheltered few of you who are not fully aw
are
of the Darwin Awards; these awards are given annually (and posthumously) to
those individuals who did the most for the human gene pool by removing
themselves from it.

GRAVITY KILLS
A 22-year-old Reston man was found dead yesterday after he tried to use 'occ
y' straps (the stretchy little ropes with hooks on each end) to bungee jump
off
a 70-foot railroad trestle, police said. Fairfax County police said Eric A.
Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped
an end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake
Accotink
Park, jumped... and hit the pavement.

Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was
alone because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he had
assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground,"

Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was "major trauma."
An autopsy is scheduled for later in the week.


LAUNCHED ON THE FOURTH OF JULY
Three young men in Oklahoma were enjoying the upcoming Fourth of July
holiday and
wanted to apparently test fire some fireworks. Their only real problem was
that their launch pad and seating arrangements were atop a several hundred
thousand gallon fuel distillation storage tank. Oddly enough, some fumes
were
ignited, producing a fireball seen for miles. They were launched several
hundred feet into the air and were found dead 250 yards from their
respective
seats.


DON'T ASK GOD TO PROVE HIMSELF, HE JUST MIGHT
A lawyer and two buddies were fishing on Caddo Lake in Texas when a
lightning
storm hit the lake. Most of the other boats immediately headed for the
shore,
but not our friend the lawyer. Alone on the rear of his aluminum bass boat
with
his buddies, this individual stood up, spread his arms wide (crucifixion
style)
and shouted: "HERE I AM LORD, LET ME HAVE IT!" Needless to say, God
delivered.
The other two passengers on the boat survived the lightning strike with
minor
burns.

CATCH!
A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. Big deal you may say, but
there's
a twist here that makes him a candidate. It seems he and a friend were
playing
catch with a rattlesnake. You can guess what happened from here. The
friend
(a future Darwin Awards candidate) was hospitalized.


GIMME A LIGHT!
In a west Texas town, employees in a medium-sized warehouse noticed the
smell
of gas. Sensibly, management evacuated the building, extinguishing all
potential sources of ignition-lights, power, etc. After the building had
been
evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon
entering
the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To
their
frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later described the
vision
of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object
that resembled a lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas
in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away.
Nothing
was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the
explosion.
The technician that was suspected of causing the explosion had never
been thought of as "bright" by his peers.


RUNNER UP...

A Vermont native, Ronald Demuth, found himself in a difficult position
yesterday While touring the Eagle's Rock African Safari (Zoo) with a group
of
thespians from St. Petersburg, Russia, Mr. Demuth went overboard to show
them
one of America's many marvels. He demonstrated the effectiveness of "Crazy
Glue"... the hard way.

Apparently, Mr. Demuth wanted to demonstrate just how good the adhesive was,

so he put about 3 ounces of the adhesive in the palms of his hands, and
jokingly
placed them on the buttocks of a passing rhino. The rhino,
a resident of the zoo for the past thirteen years, was not initially
startled as it has been part of the petting exhibit since its arrival as a
baby.

However, once it became aware of its being involuntarily stuck to Mr.
Demuth,
it began to panic and ran around the petting area wildly making Mr. Demuth
an
unintended passenger.

"Sally [the rhino] hasn't been feeling well lately. She had been very
constipated. We had just given her a laxative and some depressants to relax
herbowels, when Mr.Demuth played his juvenile prank," said James Douglass,
caretaker. During Sally's tirade two fences were destroyed, a shed wall was
gored, and a number of small animals escaped. Also, during the stampede,
three
pygmy goats and one duck were stomped to death. As for Demuth, it took a
team
of medics and zoo caretakers' to remove his hands from her buttocks. First,
the animal had to be captured and calmed down.

However, during this process the laxatives began to take hold and Mr. Demuth
was repeatedly showered with over 30 gallons of rhino diarrhea. "It was
tricky.
We had to calm her down, while at the same time shield our faces from being
pelted with rhino dung. I guess you could say that Mr. Demuth was into it up
to his neck. Once she was under control, we had three people with shovels
working
to keep an air passage open for Mr. Demuth. We were able to tranquilize her
and apply a solvent to remove his hands from her rear," said Douglass.

"I don't think he'll be playing with Crazy Glue for a while."

Meanwhile, the Russians, while obviously amused, also were impressed with
the
power of the adhesive. "I'm going to buy some for my children, but of course
they can't take it to the zoo," commented Vladimir Zolnikov, leader of the
troupe.


CLEANER POLISHES OFF PATIENTS
"For several months, our nurses have been baffled to find a patient dead in
the same bed every Friday morning" a spokeswoman for the Pelonomi Hospital
(Free
State, South Africa) told reporters. "There was no apparent cause for any
of
the deaths, and extensive checks on the air conditioning system, and a
search
for possible bacterial infection, failed to reveal any clues."

"However, further inquiries have now revealed the cause of these deaths...
"It seems
that every Friday morning a cleaning lady would enter the ward, remove the
plug
that powered the patient's life support system, plug her floor polisher into
the
vacant socket, then go about her business. When she had finished her chores,
she would plug the life support machine back in and leave, unaware that the
patient was now dead. She could not, after all, hear the screams and
eventual
death rattle over the whirring of her polisher".

"We are sorry, and have sent a strong letter to the cleaner in question.
Further,
the Free State Health and Welfare Department is arranging for an electrician
to fit an extra socket, so there should be no repetition of this incident.
The inquiry is now closed."

(Cape Times).

[terrier]

Well, I'm not sure, it may be an urban legend, but I heard about two Brits getting killed in an odd trafic accident somewhere in England...

It was very foggy and both had to drive with their head out of the window. Death took place when they hit each others

Just wander, could that be true?