For those with no children - this is totally hysterical!
For those who already have children past this age - this is hilarious.
For those who have children this age - this is not funny.
For those who have children nearing this age – this is a warning.
For those who have not yet had children - this is birth control.
Things I've Learned From My Children (honest & no kidding)
1. A king-size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust balls and run over them with rollerblades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy
wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to
spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20-foot room.
5. You should not throw golf balls up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a
bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a
golf ball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double-glazing) doesn't stop a golf ball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with strong bleach makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though every 36-year-old man says “they can only do
it in the moviesâ€
10. Certain LEGO will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year-old.
11. Play-Doh and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jelly you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jelly.
15. VCR's do not eject sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16. Rubbish bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in petrol tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.
20. The fire stations in general have about a 15-minute response time.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24. The mind of a 6-year-old is wonderful.
First class
One day, the first-grade teacher was reading the
story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She
came to the part of the story where the first pig
was trying to accumulate the building materials for
his home. She read, "...And so the pig went up to
the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said,
'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to
build my house?'" The teacher paused then asked the
class, "And what do you think that man said?" One
little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he
said, 'Holy shite! A talking pig!'" The teacher was
unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
25. 60% of men who read this will try mixing the bleach and brake fluid.
Children.......
Children.......
RQ.
The Stig of 2 wheels as well as 4 !
The Stig of 2 wheels as well as 4 !
