Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money: between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of 50 pence.
Murphy said "Hang on, I have an idea." He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage.
Shamus said "Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money left at all".
Murphy replied "Don't worry - just follow me." He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guiness and two glasses of Jamieson whiskey.
Shamus said "Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money!!"
Murphy replied, with a smile "Don't worry, I have a plan. Cheers!"
They downed their drinks. Murphy said "OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth."
Said and done, the barman noticed them, went berserk and threw them out.
They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk all for free.
At the tenth pub Shamus said "Murphy - I don't think I can do any more o'this. I'm pissed and me knees are killin' me!"
Murphy said "How do you think I feel? I lost the sausage in the third pub."
Two blokes went into a pub.......
Two blokes went into a pub.......
"Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut."