I saw that classic poster Why a Beer is Better than a Woman at the weekend, and it reminded me, as a service to our female members, to list the "Male Rules" herewith. These are our rules. Please note these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. if it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitchin' about you leaving it down.
1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
1. Saturday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. If something we said can be interpreted in two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
1. Check your oil! Please.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
1. Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. No you really do have too many shoes.
1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
1. I'm in shape. ROUND is a shape.
Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know I'll have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that: it's like camping.