erm...slightly rubbish jokes...

[TheGingerBeardMan]

NOTE: Ok, so the solicitors letter from Mac n Franks arrived through the door, and I'm not allowed to infringe on copyright.

If you've ever seen a spider arrive at yer door wearing 4 pairs of steel toe cap sh1t-kicking boots, you know they are serious....

So, for anyone reading this and wondering ''hey, this isn't a joke GBM...where the punchline?''

I can tell you it was between the bridge of my nose and my top lip.

OW!

.......Anyhoo - onto the ''slightly rubbish jokes...''

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I've been doing some D.I.Y. around the house. So I rang the local council to ask can I have a skip outside my house.

The bloke from the council said: "Well Sir...you can pirouette and cart wheel round the whole block for all I care".

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I went to a fancy dress party the other week, wearing only a pair of Y-fronts.

A woman at the party said to me, "this is a fancy dress party, what are you supposed to be?"

I said: "A premature ejaculation"

She replied."What do you mean?"

I said: ''Well, I've just come in my pants"

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When my grandfather was ill, my grandmother used to rub lard on his back.

After that, he went downhill very quickly.

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How is it you can throw a burnt match out of a car window and start a forest fire...

...but you can use two boxes of matches, a box of fire lighters, 500ml of lighter fuel and a Sunday paper, but still can"t light the fecking barbecue?

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My mate once put a thousand pounds on a horse.

The horse collapsed.

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An apprentice is training to be a lion tamer, and it"s his first day.

The master tamer is telling him what to do.

"Firstly: if the lion growls, move back slightly''.

"Secondly: if the lion keeps growling and moves towards you, move back a little more."

''Thirdly: if the lion is still growling and advancing on you, throw a load of sh1t in its face."

The apprentice replies, "but what if there is no sh1t to throw?"

"Don"t worry," replies the master, "if the lion is advancing that far on you, there will be!"

[AMCQ46]

These are far better than the crap that Mac pukes out. We will sent the Russian boot boys round to sh1t him and the spider down

[TheGingerBeardMan]

I like Macs puns and play on words (is that an oxymoron?) They appeal to my sense of humour. Tim Vine & Stephen Wright are among my favourite folk for quick quips.

But, trust me.....this won't last. I'm just forwarding on the jokes that have been sent to me via email.

Some (if not the majority of them) cannot be written here as they are waaay too dodgy in this politically correct/namby pamby/do gooder/feminist/classed as a racist at every wrong look world that we live in today. Yup - note the bold AND underlined waaay too dodgy!

I guess free speech isn't free afterall!

[MacV2]

These are far better than the crap that Mac pukes out. We will sent the Russian boot boys round to sh1t him and the spider down

Ooooooohhhh! Get you....

I like the lion one & as an added bonus it has crap in it...

[MacV2]

These are far better than the crap that Mac pukes out. We will sent the Russian boot boys round to sh1t him and the spider down

Meanwhile some jokes ago...

http://www.vtr1000.org/phpBB3/viewtopic ... 75#p435542