--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Smiths were unable to conceive children, and decided to use a
surrogate
father to start their family. On the day the Proxy father was to
arrive,
Mr.Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here
soon".
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer
rang
the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
"Good morning madam. I've come to......"
"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.
"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! My Specialty is babies.
"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a
seat."
After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
Photographer - "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the
bathtub,
one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living
room
floor is fun too....you can really spread out!"
Wife - "Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry
and
me."
Photographer - "Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every
time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or
seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
Wife - "My, my, that's a lot of ...."
Photographer - "Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time.
I'd
love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with
that,
I'm sure."
Wife (muttering)- "Don't I know it,"
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his
baby pictures.
Photographer - "This was done on the top of a bus."
Wife - "Oh my god!!"
Photographer - "And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you
consider their mother was so difficult to work with."
Wife - "She was difficult ?"
Photographer - "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the
park
to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five
deep,
pushing to get a good look."
Wife - "Four and five deep?" (eyes widened in amazement)
Photographer - "Yes, and for more than three hours, too. The mother was
constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate! Then
darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the
squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."
Wife (leaning forward) - "You mean they actually chewed on your
um...equipment ?"
Photographer - "That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up
my
tripod so that we can get to work"
Wife - "Tripod??
Photographer - "Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on.
It's
much too big for me to hold very long. Madam? Madam?.....Good Lord,
she's
fainted!!
