A couple of funnies.

[Sharpe1]

THAT WOULD SUIT ME
A married man left work early one Friday afternoon. Instead of going home,
however, he squandered the weekend (and his paycheck) partying with the
boys. When he finally returned home on Sunday night, he ran into a barrage
of epithets from his wife. After a couple of hours of nagging, his wife
asked "How would you like it if you didn't see me for a couple of days?"
"That would suit me just fine!" the man said.
Monday went by, and the man didn't see his wife.
Tuesday went by with the same result.
Wednesday went by with the same result.
Thursday, the swelling went down a bit and he could see her a little, just
out of the corner of his left eye.

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UNI GRAD
A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The
manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and
said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store."
"But I'm a uni graduate," the young man replied indignantly.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager.
"Here, give me the broom and I'll show you how."
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LOW, LOW PRICES
A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a
beer.
"Certainly, sir, that'll be one cent." "One cent?" exclaims the guy. The
barman says, "Yes." So the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks,
"Could I have a juicy steak with chips, peas and a fried egg?"
"Certainly sir," replies the bartender,
"That will be four cents."
"Four cents?" exclaims the guy. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The barman replies, "Upstairs with my wife."
The guy says, "What's he doing with your wife?"
The bartender replies, "Same as I'm doing to his business."