The people of East London have been successful in their bid to host the 2012 Olympics.
However there has been a request that some of the events and traditions are modified in order to add local flavour and to give the locals a greater
chance of winning medals:
100-metre sprint: - Athletes must compete on Leytonstone High Road with a DVD player under one arm and a microwave under the other. After 20 metres a Police dog will be released into each lane.
Boxing: - This will be restricted to husband and wife teams and the final will take place in Stratford Shopping Centre on a Saturday night. The husband must down at least 12 pints in the Old Spotted Dog before encountering his wife, where she will announce one of the following,
(a) there's f..ck all for your tea,
(b) our Tracey is up the duff,
(c) I'm up the duff,
(d) Pauline at number 12 is up the duff and she is saying its yours!.
Tug of War: - Chains will be fixed to one of the cash points at the BP garage in Shoreditch and the winning team will be the ones that haul it out the quickest.
Equestrian Events: - Horses, ponies, donkeys and assorted nags can be collected from the fields behind Upton Park and medals will be awarded for tethering them in the most unusual places.
Walking: - Athletes must be accompanied by a Pit-bull Terrier, Doberman, German Shepherd or Whippet. Ferrets and Pushchairs do not count.
The Olympic flame will also be slightly different. The lighting ceremony will go ahead in time-honoured tradition by torching a Ford Escort XR3i.
London Olympics
London Olympics
Rich.
